Advice Needed: When A Pet Dies

Posted on November 13, 2008 
Filed Under Life, Parenting

A friend’s grade-school daughter has had a parakeet for quite some time. While she enjoys owning the bird, the girl has not exactly been diligent in caring for it. The other day it died.

During the sorrowful time of tears that followed, this friend observed to himself that there was no water in the bird’s water-bowl. Despite repeated admonitions over the months and years to “take care of your parakeet,” the girl had evidently not refilled the bowl for a day or so. Now, this dad wonders if perhaps that lack of water might have been the ultimate reason for the bird’s death.

I was asked if he should allow the girl to finish her mourning for this pet and then tell her that she might have killed the bird through neglect, or if he should not say anything about the empty water bowl. To be honest, I am rather stumped on this one. Not sure what I would do in such a situation.

Parents, some advice for the fellow? Should he let the girl know she might have contributed to this pet’s passing, or should he leave the matter alone?

Comments

4 Responses to “Advice Needed: When A Pet Dies”

  1. Amanda on November 14th, 2008 2:37 pm

    I have some experience with kids and birds in specific, so my thoughts are a bit wide-spread. Please bear with me!

    While I believe it is important to be honest with our children, a young child should not have to deal with that type of guilt on top of the grief that they are experiencing.

    It is entirely possible that part of the child’s grief is wrapped up in wondering if they did anything wrong. Just last year, my own daughter’s bird died while under the care of a bird-sitter who had grown too comfortable with her dogs around the birds. Even though my daughter had nothing to do with her bird’s death, she asked me on more than one occasion whether or not I thought her bird would still be alive if she had been more attentive to him.

    Honestly, in my opinion, while a child can be put “in charge” of taking care of a certain pet’s needs, ultimately it is our job as parents to make certain that the child is following through with their duties. It might sound harsh, but I think that the parents are equally responsible for the death of the bird - IF, indeed, the lack of water was the reason for the death.

    Birds get sick and, as a natural form of defense (even in the wild), they “fake” being well very successfully. In captivity, birds that get sick usually are too far gone by the time they are sick enough for the human eye to observe. They frequently die for what appears to be no reason. Having said that, I have to say that, without the benefit of a necropsy, there is no way to know for certain the true reason that the bird died.

    And, again, I don’t believe that the guilt that the child would experience would benefit the situation.

    I am convicted though that, as parents, while we can put our kids in charge of pet care, ultimately any living creature in our homes is OUR responsibility as well.

  2. Ricki on November 15th, 2008 12:07 pm

    Absolutely bring the water to the girls attention. And do it immediately. It’s sparing the child that leads to irresponsible adults. Will it hurt her to think she may have killed her bird? Yes. Will it kill her? No. Will it make her more responsible with the next pet…or her children later in life? Hopefully. You don’t have to beat her up and call her a parakeet killer…but you do need to make her understand that there are consequences when we neglect our responsibilities and in this case, the bird paid them because of her.

  3. Luke 4:18 on November 18th, 2008 10:20 am

    I agree with the first comment, It is our responsibility as a parent to work ourselves out of that job. Being a parent. A pet is a big responsibility Some children seem to take right to daily chores and responsibilities, and others need to be reminded and pushed daily she sounds a lot like me I needed to be reminded daily. I needed daily discipline. I think that mom or dad should have made sure she was doing her part in taking care of her pet. Even if that meant walking with her to fill the water bowl.
    I preach and counsel in a local prison and in so many of my students (if you will) when we get down do the brass tacks had never really had anyone to guide them daily in right and wrong or even a daily routine,Across the board they don’t have an ability to handle stress So as it has been said so many times before I blame the parents for not doing their job. But we are responsible still for the choices we make, I hope I made myself clear without getting off subject I can speak it better than typing it.
    Proverbs 22:6
    Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
    GOD Bless :)
    Luke 4:18

  4. Admin on November 18th, 2008 5:51 pm

    I appreciate the insights offered here and will pass them along! Thanks for taking the time to share with us.

Leave a Reply

Comments are moderated and will not appear on johnfullerblog.com until they've been approved. While we are eager to facilitate conversation by publishing most comments, we may withhold one from time to time if we deem it offensive, vulgar, overly personal, cynical, disrespectful, irrelevant, redundant or unnecessarily contentious.
Comments on John Fuller's blog may not refer specifically to any current electoral candidate, or any measure on a current ballot – at any level of local, state, or federal government. Focus on the Family is a non-profit 501(c)(3) entity, and therefore cannot take a position on specific votes. Nor can we display any such statements on our Web sites. Likewise, we cannot discuss here the personal viewpoints of people like Dr. Dobson or Jim Daly on political candidates or ballot measures. Any posts to this forum which violate these rules will be removed. There is an alternative venue for this type of discussion. Some activities of this nature are undertaken by Focus on the Family Action, a 501(c)(4) organization, and its media outlet, Citizenlink. Citizenlink maintains an Election Forum of its own, where political discussions are allowed and welcomed so long as they comply with the posted guidelines.
Finally, if you would like to contact our ministry directly, please feel free to do so from one of our FAQs.