What Characterizes A Good Wife?

Posted on May 29, 2009 
Filed Under Focus on the Family Broadcast, Parenting, Social Concern, Spiritual Life

What characterizes a good wife and mother? Well, that’s a somewhat provocative question to some folks. If you’d like to explore some answers to the question, listen in to this presentation by Dr. Dorothy Patterson. She’ll address the biblical roles of wife and mother, explain how God created man to be the provider, protector and leader of the family, and woman to be man’s helper in those duties.

UPDATE: Thanks to all who have contributed to the discussion through their comments! Some great feedback.

Comments

27 Responses to “What Characterizes A Good Wife?”

  1. Robby on May 29th, 2009 5:33 am

    This program was very timely as my girlfriend and I are discussing the issue of Headship according to 1 Cor. 11 3-16. It is very plain that there are to be different roles, and the covering is an outward sign of the inward submission. It is very encouraging to hear the biblical account again from the beginning of the separation of “assignments”.

  2. Carol on May 29th, 2009 6:34 am

    The broadcast featuring Dr. Dorothy Patterson was both encouraging and inspiring. I especially noted her reference to Elizabeth Cady Stanton, who removed Biblical passages she found offensive or disagreeable.
    The state office for which I work holds semi-annual workshops encouraging high school students to register to vote. Ms. Stanton is regularly hailed as a hero during these workshops, due to her activism in the abolition and women’s suffrage efforts. Although I believe women should vote (and do so myself) I was glad to hear a mention of the *other* side of Ms. Stanton’s beliefs and activities.

  3. John on May 29th, 2009 6:37 am

    Dr. Patterson is highly encouraging, extremely intellectual, and incredibly funny. I very much enjoyed this broadcast!

  4. Michelle R. on May 29th, 2009 7:39 am

    I want to thankyou for today’s valuable talk with Dr. Patterson. You do so well at connecting with me in my walk with Jesus. I find that truly listening to the scripture in the bible and how woman is to cleave to her husband, that is something I am truly learning. Not by myself but with God and Jesus. I thankyou for all you do. So much to learn and grow and help. Thankyou both,
    Mrs. Michelle

  5. DONNA on May 29th, 2009 9:42 am

    I needed to hear this and get my focus back. Here in San Diego, CA, I’m far from my New Jersey, farmland/country, conservative home near many relatives. I know it’s God’s will to be here; but, I sometimes feel like Lot, who was vexed in his soul regarding the evil surroundings and the prevalence of feminist ideology (among other anti-family -isms.) Thanks for broadcasting excellent speakers who focus on the family and life.
    Love in Christ,
    Donna Tyler

  6. Mary on May 29th, 2009 10:14 am

    Thomas Jefferson is the most famous example of tampering with the Bible to only include what was wanted. Dr. Dorothy Patterson used an unknown woman as an example of someone who cut out of the Bible what she did not experience herself, and maybe that was appropriate with women, but it might have resonated better, I imagine, using Thomas Jefferson. And his “faith” would then be viewed as one more example of his egocentric focus of his life.

  7. Charlene on May 29th, 2009 10:26 am

    This issue (of submission of women within a marriage covenant) is vital to the healthy family. But the feminism, which we watered and fertilized throughout the sixties, has grown into a pervasive, tough, and resistant weed. We American women, including those of us within the Christian Church, have become a stiff-necked, rebellious, self-centered, and willful bunch. May God have mercy on us. Perhaps messages such as todays will reach a younger audience and encourage them with a vision of a better way. May God turn the hearts of mothers back to the wellbeing of their marriage and of their children.

  8. Sharyn on May 29th, 2009 11:02 am

    Loved it! I’m a woman who owns her own business, and am very independent. The reason? My husband’s advice and support on every front. I am there for him as well. We make the decisions together, though he knows he always has the last word and he encourages me to to reach my potential. I loved this broadcast because it mirrors the principles that have left my husband and I more in love than ever after more than 30 years of marriage. Praise the Lord for His word and guidelines for living, and for Focus bringing us this kind of programming.

  9. kennde on May 29th, 2009 11:51 am

    Hi John,

    This morning’s broadcast was awesome! I think that pop culture has twisted … actually destroyed the perception (and defination) of the woman’s role in marriage. I’m very appericative of Mrs. Patterson presentation as it the Biblical truth and it was presented in a very humorus manner. I didn’t find it offensive on any level at all. I sincerely hope that the younger female audience (single and married a like) are receptive to Mrs. Patterson’s words of wisdom as I was. We (as women) need to under stand that submission does not take away power but give us power …”humble yourself before the Lord and He will lift you up”.

    Many thanks to you and Dr. Dobbson & keep up the great job!

  10. J on May 29th, 2009 12:18 pm

    I greatly appreciated this message & even got online to listen to it again, after being intrupted while listening to the radio broadcast. I have only been married a few years, but see the pains of my married friends when they are trying to swap those natural roles that God intended for us. As a woman, I think following God’s layout of equality and loving submittion is truely comforting & it was great to hear what the word “helper” ment then – it makes great sense that we were created to helpful and be loved. I can’t think of a better purpose! :)

    I also work in the office for a church with very different views than my own & wonder how to bring such a strong message like this one to the ears of the liberal feminist woman pastor. :) Yeah, right! I know. :)

  11. Angela on May 29th, 2009 12:19 pm

    Bold & enjoyable presentation! We need more voices like Dr. Patterson’s…willing to paddle upstream against the tumbling water of women’s lib.
    The common assumption that ALL women MUST work outside of the home for the family to “make it” breaks my heart. And the assumption that a woman who chooses to stay home is lazy does also.
    A hearty standing ovation to the ladies who are sacrificing financially to build their homes & children.

  12. Deanna on May 29th, 2009 1:14 pm

    Dr. Dorothy Patterson’s braodcast was inspiring and refreshing to hear. I am at home with our four children and found much encouragement in the broadcast today. It is not always easy to follow the biblical role for a wife, but I am thankful for the leadership of my husband and ultimately the Lord!

  13. Starla on May 29th, 2009 2:58 pm

    Though I am an egalitarian, I greatly appreciated what Dr. Patterson shared in this broadcast. It is interesting how both sides of the discussion interpret the same Scriptures. It is important to realize, however, that both egalitarians and complimentarians used the same Bible. There are scriptures supporting each opinion, which then relies on individual hermeneutics and personal convictions. While there are certainly areas that I have not completely decided by position, there is no doubt that both men and women are created equally in the very glory and image of God. With this established, we must all come together as children of God to effectively serve His people and let His kingdom come.

  14. Erika on May 29th, 2009 4:22 pm

    I agree whole heartedly with the ideas expressed in this wonderful broadcast. The roles of husband and wife are clearly spelled out all over scripture, although so many people try to “fight against” these roles. Marriage is a beautiful thing when we follow the God given roles He has given to husbands and wives. Thank you for having broadcasts like these to help us in our marriages.

  15. Angie on May 29th, 2009 6:08 pm

    I really appreciated hearing what Dr. Patterson had to say on today’s broadcast. It seems that so many women have been willing to ‘sell themselves short’ by trying to take on the male role. What these women do not realize, is that there is tremendous freedom and joy for those who embrace their God given roles! Praise God – He knows us so well! Thank you Focus on the Family for sharing scripture-based TRUTH with us!

  16. Brenna on May 29th, 2009 7:36 pm

    I just wrapped up a busy week home schooling our children and keeping our home. My husband came home from work and pulled up the broadcast on the computer so I could listen to it. I’ve always believed the Biblical truths discussed by Dr. Patterson, but it is so refreshing to hear her speak and reaffirm our family’s lifestyle and the choices my husband and I made for our family. God brings a special measure of joy to husbands and wives who strive to conform to his perfect plan for the family. Thank you for this inspiring piece! You made my day.

  17. Liz on May 29th, 2009 9:25 pm

    Thank you so much for airing this broadcast! I realize that not everyone will agree with Dr. Patterson’s comments, but her honest portrayal of what the Bible says about marriage is a huge encouragement to those of us who believe that the most beautiful marriages are those which play out as a dance- someone leads and someone follows, but both roles are important. May God bless you richly as you continue to stand for truth- keep it up!

  18. gayle on May 29th, 2009 10:37 pm

    I came across Focus on Family tonight by accident, as I never listen to radio at night, but was listening to another station when my walkman’s sound faded. As I tried to find the station I found Mrs Patterson speaking and found myself listening. I am not religious and do not agree with the premise of the male being Head of the family, probably a good reason why I do not have a partner or husband. She told her “story” and shared her beliefs with humor. I enjoyed the show so much, I continued to listen to afew of the folowing speakers. Religious or not, I do not believe it was an “accident” that I found Focus on Family, and will tune in again. Thank you

  19. J.C. on May 31st, 2009 9:29 am

    With all due respect to Dr. Patterson, she should not assume that all egalitarians are like Elizabeth Cady Stanton cutting out Bible verses.

    I believe both in egalitarianism and Biblical Inerrancy. Some verses have been misinterpreted or mistranslated (I could give some examples but it would be too long here).

  20. Donna on May 31st, 2009 6:29 pm

    Amen! Amen! and Amen! I think Dr. Dorothy Patterson did a great job. I have totally agreed with this viewpoint since becoming a Christian nine years ago, but I really like the way she put it!

  21. Mia on May 31st, 2009 9:43 pm

    I appreciated hearing the broadcast on the Woman’s Role in Marriage by Patterson. It was a good reminder for me to hear, but I also believe teen girls need to hear messages like this explaining God’s design for the family, especially including the responsibility of the Husband as the head of the home. We’ve tried to model this in our home for our two teenage daughters, and I often remind them that their dad is the head of our home, which he fullfills so wonderfully I might add. But, my girls have come home from their youth group where they’ve been discussing the roles of men and women, particularly in marriage, and majority of the girls express an opinion of unconformity to this biblical idea and are adamantly against the idea of submission. Many young girls and women today do not want to follow Gods design in this area – “Girl Power” is very rampant and somehow our culture continues to convince them that in order to follow Gods design they must give up their power – not true! I also see young men being so afraid of this issue not wanting to appear chauvanistic. I hope our young christian men will have what it takes to be the head of the home in spite of how our culture marginalizes the male role in the family.

  22. Emily on June 1st, 2009 3:58 am

    I loved this broadcast! So inspiring. I really enjoyed her story about the tire blowing out and how her husband’s judgement protected her…how God uses imperfect people and imperfect circumstances to bring about His PERFECT plan.

  23. Kati on June 1st, 2009 6:58 am

    I just wanted to comment on the ‘role of women’ in marriage broadcast. The cast is overlooking that it is not either or….motherhood is not looked down upon; ONLY motherhood is. Women today are successful lawyers, doctors (me), CIO’s, CEO’s, judges, etc….AND mothers. I want my 2 kids to see me as a productive member of society – not just a maid. I want them to experience things outside of the house so they’ll know how to react when they themselves are living in the real world – good and bad parts of our world. Women who choose to not get a college education nor a ‘worldly’ education are selling themselves and their kids and their spouses short; They are dependent and ignorant (I did not say stupid). These women are just acting like children in adult bodies by allowing themselves to have no control over their own lives. Why would a man what a wife who is childlike instead of a real, equal, partner? Those women who are ‘stay-at-home’ moms say they work all day – yes they do but what is never mentioned is that working-career moms do the exact same thing as stay-at-home moms – just in alot less time…..;-)

  24. Robert on June 1st, 2009 12:06 pm

    It seems to me that every point that Dr. Patterson made could have been based on a devinely inspired allegory instead of an actual Garden of Eden. I must admit that whenever I hear someone talking about the Garden as if the events described in Genesis were historical facts, I feel like I’m being spoken to as a child — Adam and Eve speaking fluent Hebrew at birth, vegetarian wolves, tiny spiders spinning webs to capture seeds blown by the wind, tree rings recording periods of wet and dry weather that never in fact occurred. One can agree, or not, with the model of marriage related by Dr. Patterson, but I think her argument is weakened, not strenghthened by linking it to the story of the Garden.

  25. Kari on June 2nd, 2009 3:35 am

    I just listened to the Dorothy Patterson broadcast about the roles of women and it was great. I am up at 3 am finishing things up around my very lived in home school house while my 4 girls sleep upstairs and daddy is still at work, doing extra side projects on top of his full-time job. (we are trying to buy a house and he’s working as much as he can for the big downpayment) This message that I heard on Oneplace.com was refreshing and edifying, and I was hit with tears of joy after her last sentence which said, “I may be weak, but I have a King in my heart….”
    I loved to hear from someone I can relate to, it’s so rare in this culture. Even in the church, I feel that not enough women have this pure desire to be a Biblical wife and mom and homemaker. It makes complete sense to me that the home needs to be “made”. There are times that I do wish we could have servants to help (like the Bible talks about!) Because it IS a huge job, there’s always so much to do!! I’m leaning to have my girls do more, and I’m trying to do things more quickly. I don’t feel I’m missing out on anything in the world. I respect the women that work outside the home, their task is that much harder, and I know that some (single moms mostly) have no choice. But, I think when we get that “itching” feeling like we need more, and aren’t being fulfilled enough by being stay-at-home moms, we maybe aren’t fully understanding the value of our children, how much they need us, and the wonderful opportunity we have as wives and moms to be creative and make the best home environment possible for our husbands and growing children. We can become gourmet chefs, giving our families healthy food instead of fat-packed restaurant or fast food, professional organizers, talented secretaries, the list could go on and on, we wear so many hats. And we can have more time to practice the talents God has given us and involve our kids in that, such as music (I sing and play guitar and my girls sing with me), or painting, or knitting, whatever it may be.
    You know, I could go on and on because I am passionate about how important it is for we moms and wives to know our roles and grow in the Lord living them out. I need to get off the computer now though and fold my family’s clothes. Who else would do it better than me, the one who loves them and knows them and cares for them. I don’t find it demeaning at all…..if we do, we need to humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God. I don’t need a 9 to 5 job, with a daily latte or new trendy clothes to feel valued. That is what moth and rust will destroy, my job is for what’s inside the heart….these precious little hearts, and the heart of my husband, who I’m praying will become more and more a man after God’s own heart. We women need to live and know the Word of God, and we need to know Him. I miss my husband and I’d like to be in bed (I certainly don’t stay up this late every night), but Jesus is my ever present friend who is never to busy to talk, and I’ve been talking with Him and I finish up these dishes and get caught up on laundry. Jesus washed His desciples’ feet, I think I can do my family’s laundry and dishes. In the flesh, that sounds crazy, but when we call on the name of the Lord, He helps us, and we can “leap over walls”. Praise the Lord for All He is and All He does! Ok, I must stop now. Thank you Focus on the Family! God Bless you.

  26. Tina on June 3rd, 2009 10:00 am

    I really disagreed with the manner in which Dr. Patterson presented this very important information. It is very easy to use scripture to support gender stereotypes, and I believe that is what she did.

    I also feel many of her examples could have led young women to believe God would not be pleased with them attaining higher education or pursuing a career in addition to being a wife and mother. She had a very dismissive attitude toward her own accomplishments. However, my point is she had the opportunity to have accomplishments. She attained her doctorate and has established a career as a teacher.

    Many young women hearing this could have come away with the impression God requires nothing of them except complete submission to a husband. That is dangerous and does not recognize the fullness of life I believe God wants for women and men alike.

    The priciple of spiritual headship is too important to be treated in this manner and the presentation of this topic should never rely on simplistic and stereotypical views of gender. It saddens me that Focus used this particular message to address the role God has for wives and mothers. It was long on gender-bias and short on substance. I’ve been listening for nearly 20 years, and am profoundly disappointed in this particular broadcast.

  27. Kari on June 5th, 2009 9:08 am

    The fullness of life is knowing God. Jesus came that we might have life and have it more abundantly. When we do, life is an adventure and more fulfilling than ANY career. We need to have minds set on eternity.

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