She Wants Her Own Facebook Account

Posted on September 9, 2009 
Filed Under Fathering, Parenting, Social Concern

Our oldest daughter is 15, and wonders when she can establish her own presence on Facebook. I’ve got to admit that I’ve been comfortable putting her off until now. The other day, though, I realized I will soon be teaching her how to drive. Yikes! And the thought struck me: In the next year or so I’ll be waving to her as she drives off in 4,000 pounds of sheet metal, and that if I am willing to let her navigate the roads and to enjoy the sort of freedom that accompanies a drivers license, I really should trusty her to navigate the most popular social media sites.

So, I’m pretty sure that quite soon we’ll be granting permission to have “friends” worldwide via Facebook. But I wonder how much – if any – oversight I should exercise with regard to that account. I can cut her loose, so to speak, and let her learn the rules of social media on her own, hoping that she makes good decisions and avoids the common troubles of over-sharing and such. Or, I might be more engaged and monitor her account – hey, I might even be her “friend” so I can see who she is interacting with and what she does online.

Any advice from parents who have “been there, done that?”

Offering one perspective on my dilemma, here’s an article that suggests that being engaged in my child’s online experience is really “helicopter parenting.”  Or is it?

I’ll ask again for input from moms and dads – or even teens! – with insights.

Comments

3 Responses to “She Wants Her Own Facebook Account”

  1. Julie on September 10th, 2009 1:54 pm

    Our son was 13 when he got his facebook account. My husband set it up so that all of his messages come through my email first. I am his friend as well as many of his friends friends. We do ask that he not participate in many of the extra activities on FB, but it has been a great way to share photos, ask other kids about a quick homework assignment and work details out for out of school activities. So basically I am saying that for our family, FB has been great, but we do monitor the activity.

  2. Tracy on September 11th, 2009 9:17 am

    Wow, just facing the same thing w/ my 13 year old. I investigated Myspace a while back–definitely not for our family.

    So, we just signed up this weekend. As you suggested, we are both friends, with a lot of mutual friends from our church, adults and kids, and now some friends from school.

    I do know the log-ins for the Facebook account and the associated e-mail and will be monitoring both. The “sharing” levels are set very “tight.”

    The contention for our household will be excessive amount of time spent “networking;” I can foresee that there may be limits applied.

    So, I’m for it–with safe settings and oversight.

    sign me “Hovering”

  3. SueW on September 15th, 2009 8:36 am

    I have 3 teen girls, 12, 14 and 16. The older two have had FB for a couple years, and the younger will probably get hers soon. The requirement in our house is that Mom and Dad know the login id’s and can check at any time. They don’t have to have me as a friend, although both of them have signed me up. We had some problems initially with inappropriateness and the FB privilege was lost for a time. It was won again with the stipulation for monitoring. I don’t hover, but I do check, I periodically ask what they are looking at, looking up, reading about, talking to, but I ask in a casual way and don’t make a big deal about it. If there is something setting off alarms, I mention it later and we talk about it. They aren’t always super receptive, but I am the parent and I have the responsibility to teach them how to use technology in a good way. This does include a 1 hour a day limit. The limits/monitoring will change as they age and gain their own self-discipline. You don’t let them just jump in the car and drive when they hit 16. Similarly, you lead them along with technology, gradually letting go. Just like in the rest of life. MO. BTW – we have started the driver’s training with the first daughter. How come I seemed so much older to myself when I was 16??? I keep reminding myself of how many parents have already lived through this…

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