Choosing A College

Posted on December 2, 2009 
Filed Under Fathering, Parenting

These days I’m sure the postal delivery person (aka mailman) is not overly happy with us. Every day he drops off seven or eight pieces of mail from colleges. Headlines on the envelopes are written for Seth, our high school senior, trying to convince him that they know just where he should spend four years and thousands of dollars:

Truth be told, most of this mail is going into the trash can, but we can’t slow the tide down. We only hope that the mailman doesn’t mind the extra work – it is seasonal, in many ways, and eventually the offers of interest will come to an end.

Hard to believe, but our oldest son is already a junior in college. We felt his absence acutely last week as our family gathered for Thanksgiving, but are grateful that on such holidays when he can’t be home, he does have an established community there in Michigan of which he can be part. While it was three years ago, I recall some good discussions and decision-making associated with the college application process.

Back to Seth: He has a good idea of where he’d like to go next fall, but he is keeping his options open. He has dismissed some schools, is intrigued by others and is indifferent to many. I was prompted by an article in the Wall Street Journal to consider the present Fuller Family hunt for a college. I’ll admit that I’m leaving a lot of the search up to my son, but from what I can tell, there are many parents who are much more engaged in that process.

The WSJ article mentions moms who quit their jobs to make college visits with their prospective son or daughter, and others who lament how time intensive the whole application is. Really?

Maybe I’m missing something here. I don’t want to dismiss the significant expenses associated with college, but isn’t this kind of the start of a parent’s send-off? Don’t we help our kids if we point them in the right direction and then let them choose the landing spot, the place they’ll make that transition from dependence to independence?   Maybe parents who complain about college applications and such are owning too much of that process? I think we need to let go and let our kids make this decision – and live with the consequences, good or bad.

Let me know what you think, especially if you disagree with my assessment.

And for those with a high school senior, here’s a good perspective about this season of parenting from Chip Ingram, some advice from Dr. Dobson, advice for the college-bound, recollections by some parents about saying goodbye to their college-bound daughter, and information about the Focus Leadership Institute (keep it in mind for your child’s junior or senior year – a college semester spent here at Focus on the Family).

Comments

4 Responses to “Choosing A College”

  1. Elizabeth on December 3rd, 2009 3:06 pm

    Choosing a college was a no-brainer for our daughter as there is only one evangelical college with an architectural degree program. She has been to a large state school, seen the lifestyle and habits of the professors, and seriously hopes that there is a major difference at the college she is heading to. All I can say now is, God is going to have to provide the financial end of things!!I am looking forward to her having the chance to apply her God-given gifts, make friends she hopefully will keep for a life time, and get grounded in a Christian worldview.

  2. Oldest Son on December 4th, 2009 11:06 pm

    At least he started before I did…we didn’t do anything right and I still made it to school.

  3. Randy on December 5th, 2009 1:31 am

    Hello, your request for feedback on college search caught my eye, as I too are on the second round. I really think that even at the “senior in high school” level, that students (“children”) range in capabilities for working through the process. High Schools have made many inroads to helping the process with programs and the internet has helped immensely as well. However, the students level of achievement, comfort with the process, and other factors affect the “how to decide”. I agree that parents shouldn’t necessary use coercion, but I also think that (lively) discussion and recommendations based on mutual research is advised. Aside, I’m also wondering where Elizabeth found that college. Our search didn’t yield any and we may be past the “ability to change” point. We live in Pennsylvania. Thanks!

  4. Admin on December 7th, 2009 9:09 am

    Glad to hear of the process you went through with your daughter, Elizabeth! Maybe you can help Randy out a bit?

    And, Oldest Son, we DID do a lot right…just not as speedily as we might have. You aren’t suggesting you chose the wrong college, are you?

    John

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