One Flesh, But Two Beds?

Posted on August 25, 2010 
Filed Under Focus on the Family Broadcast, Personal, Physical Health

A number of things popped into my mind as I read an article in the Wall Street Journal about how couples share – or don’t share – the bed. Excerpt:

Bedroom bickering goes beyond sex and snoring. Couples argue about everything from what time to turn out the lights to who hogs the covers. Should you keep the window open or closed? Watch TV while your partner sleeps? Let the kids climb into bed with you when they’re scared? It’s a wonder anyone gets any shut-eye at all.

Reactions: Been there, done that. While true for Dena and me, this has been especially when our children were younger.

Despite feeling like we’re the only ones with these struggles, our different sleep needs and cycles seem pretty pretty common. I need 7 hours, she needs 9 hours. I’m an early riser, she’s not. She sleeps soundly in second half of the night, I sleep better during the first hours.

For years I would say goodnight to Dena around 9, then stay up another couple of hours. I just wasn’t ready for shut-eye at 9 p.m. The next morning, I’d be up and at ‘em an hour or two before her. Not a big deal, but it did take some adjusting. Conversations at night didn’t work, and I’d be in the hurry-get-to-work rush in the mornings. We had to work at making some time for good talks.We had to learn when we could have that casual time couples need to keep close.

Lately, we’ve been on a more compatible schedule. She often gets up before me, but still crashes around 9-9:30. I am often staying up past that. So while we’ve not had big conflicts over sleep, over the years we’ve had some…”learning opportunities.”

I also thought about Dr. Arch Hart, whose book about sleep has influenced our family. What a challenging resource! Here’s a conversation we had with Dr. Hart, in which he suggested that some couples might even consider having two beds – to avoid those sleep issues and to get some good, consistent sleep.

How about you? Have you had any sleep differences, or bedtime problems – like cover hogging – that have needed solutions?

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