“Tiger Mom” – Right or Wrong?

The uproar about Amy Chua’s book, “Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother,” is still echoing in the media. Her account of a tightly controlled, highly disciplined, no-fun, hard-driving, no-holds-barred mothering brought accolades from some, and scowls of disbelief from others.

Chua noted that her Chinese immigrant parents inspired her own views on raising children. She set exceptionally strict standards for her two daughters, who weren’t allowed to have sleepovers, watch television, or ever get less than an A on their report cards. Instead, they had to practice their piano and violin for several hours a day, even while on vacation – nothing less than excellence was accepted by Chua. The author – a Yale professor – claims this parenting style is the reason that Asian kids do so well. She further posits that the typical American child grows up with too many privileges, too few rules and soft parents who are raising under-achievers.

The controversial approach to parenting generated a lot – a LOT – of discussion on blogs and in newspaper comment sections, igniting a firestorm of introspection and defensive explanations about why Chua is wrong, right or somewhere in between. If you have time to do so, check out the reader reactions at some of the online review forums. There’s also quite a bit of chatter from “parenting experts,” who seem to have a similarly wide range of reactions to Chua’s reflections.

I have the feeling that regulating external behavior, while good, isn’t always productive in the long-term. For instance, here’s an overview of testimonials about growing up with a “Tiger Mom.” There’s also an insightful quote from Chua, who said about one major newspaper’s treatment of the book,

…the worst thing was, they didn’t even hint that the book is about a journey and that the person at beginning of the book is different from the person at the end – that I get my comeuppance and retreat from this very strict Chinese parenting model.

Anyway, this is a pretty interesting conversation to have, and I’d suggest you read more, including this series of articles about successful parenting. I’ll also welcome your comments about this rather emotional topic.

Are You Relevant?

We have a problem: far too many self-identified Christians are increasingly irrelevant in today’s world.

George Barna is a social researcher, and his “mega themes” from recent research are telling a troubling trend: Believers are more inward-focused, making less impact in the lives of those around them.

Some of the findings indicate that Christianity’s influence on the wider culture – and individual lives – is “largely invisible.” He notes that:

Christianity has arguably added more value to American culture than any other religion, philosophy, ideology or community. Yet, contemporary Americans are hard pressed to identify any specific value added.

Partly due to the nature of today’s media, they have no problem identifying the faults of the churches and Christian people.

Barna goes on to suggest:

The most influential aspect of Christianity in America is how believers do–or do not–implement their faith in public and private.

This is a pretty interesting talking-point. I’m not advocating a social-Gospel, good-works approach to our faith. But I do think we’ve dropped the ball on some pretty important cultural matters, and that many believers have been too silent, for far too long, and that a result of our disengagement is that we’re considered irrelevant – and even more importantly, our faith is seen as disconnected from the world, its needs, its people.

To be sure, there are many, many good Christians doing great works for God. Addressing injustice, the needs of the down-and-out, the value of life and more, these believers are engaging and relevant. In future days I’ll try to highlight some of those good deeds – showing a vibrant, living faith – and better, a living God who cares.

Meantime, here’s the link to that Barna study. It is worth reading. And praying about.

Help For A New Dad

With great anticipation and urgency the young couple races to the hospital and are admitted.  Hours later welcome their first child into the world. And then what?

After he helps give that baby his first breath and a name, what does that new dad do? Where in the world does he start? What kinds of goals and expectations should he have? How can he measure up? How can he overcome doubts and fears about his abilities? What can he do to help that daughter know he loves her? How can he avoid horrific mistakes? How can he make a real difference as a father? What exactly is his role in this boy’s life right now? In short, what does that man need to know in order to succeed as a new dad?

Even the best-prepared individual will struggle to find answers to these questions.

Additionally, the experience of being a new dad usually comes at a time in life when professional pressures are greater than ever before, squeezing a man for time and emotional energies that are needed desperately by their new child.
The truth is, most men don’t feel equipped and aren’t sure where to turn for assistance as they begin the parenting journey – and they have reason to be concerned!

I’ve been giving this matter some thought lately as I’ve been writing a book for new dads. It’ll be published in several months, but between now and then I’d welcome some input.

What one piece of advice would you share with a first-time father? Leave a comment here, at my Facebook page, or via Twitter.

Share a helpful thought for a new dad? Thanks.

Spiritual Aspects of Eating

In this broadcast Lysa TerKeurst continues to offer insights from her book, Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire With God, Not Food. Here’s a video clip from our in-studio conversation.

Choosing Childhood Memories

As featured on the Focus on the Family radio broadcast, Lysa TerKeurst offers a personal – and practical – look at the “why” behind our eating patterns. Focusing on God as our provider and healer, she suggests there is a spiritual element to our physical decisions and behaviors.

In the following video clip, Lysa recalls a happy moment with her father. Despite years of difficulties with her dad, it is a tender childhood memory of her father’s effort to show his love.

If you’re struggling with unhealthy choices that reflect unhealed wounds from the past, call our family help-line at 800-A-Family. Ask for a counselor, and we’ll have someone call you back a convenient time. They’ll walk you through some initial steps, and then make suggestions about resources and someone in your area you can talk with further.