How’d You Sleep Last Night?

Posted on March 29, 2011 
Filed Under Fathering, Marriage, Personal

This morning it was the usual question. I don’t know when she started asking it, but suspect that I started the tradition. Almost every morning my daughter asks, “How’d you sleep last night, Dad?”

Thinking back over the years, sleep has been elusive. Our first child didn’t sleep through the night until he was 18 months. “Ugh,” was all we could think most mornings. Our second didn’t sleep much better. We spent those early years as parents bleary eyed and craving caffeine. By our third and subsequent kids, though, we’d learned how to encourage the babies to sleep through an entire night by the time they were only six or seven weeks old.

Maybe you can relate? If your sleep is interrupted because of a newborn, your life is suffering a bit. You aren’t performing optimally at work or at home. And I’d guess that your marriage is strained – at least a little. Allow some advice?

I’ve written a book for new fathers, called First Time Dad. It’ll be available May 1 (see the side bar to your right for info and some free downloads). In a chapter about how babies can affect a marriage, I shared some tips from David and Claudia Arp. They’re are counselors who have written about having a good marriage—in spite of having a baby. Their experience is universal. Most new parents feel like they’ve been blindsided by their baby. David and Claudia have boiled down advice for new parents to seven healthy habits. Take a look and see how you’re doing.

1. Be deliberate in sharing responsibilities: Every family is different, but it’s important to make sure one parent, usually the mother, is not the new baby’s sole caretaker. If she is bearing the brunt of it, a wise man offers to shop, cook, and clean around the house.

2. Develop healthy sleep habits: Without proper rest, parents grow edgy and irritable. They don’t think clearly. Try to establish a routine that will allow each parent to get some uninterrupted rest. Granted the first few weeks will be tough, but things should soon even out.

3. Find time for each other: One of my biggest mistakes was assuming I was done with dating my wife. Ironically, there
is probably no better time to be deliberate about dating your spouse than after a new baby arrives. Plan ahead. Get a babysitter, even if it’s for an hour’s walk around the neighborhood.

4. Talk and listen effectively: This advice applies to any married couple, but it’s especially important when Junior arrives. Don’t assume your spouse can read your mind, and don’t assume you can do the same. Ask questions—and listen to her answers!

5. Make your love life a priority: Romance didn’t rank high on my list those first weeks with a new baby—and you can be sure my wife was interested even less. But it’s important to carve out time. Be creative and spontaneous. Perhaps a friend can watch the baby at their house—and instead of going out, the two of you can stay in.

6. Grow together spiritually: It’s easy to let Scripture study and prayer time together slide when you’re exhausted and trying to find your way as a new father. But as with dating, this is a time when you need the Lord’s wisdom most. Even if you read only a passage or two, keep reading your Bible. Pray simple prayers together. Pray for each other—and pray for this wonderful new life!

7. Nurture your relationship: Do you remember why you fell in love with your spouse? Maybe it’s time to write her a letter and remind her. (Perhaps you’ll benefit from the recollection too.) Don’t forget that it’s often the little things, like bringing her coffee in bed or bringing home flowers for no reason, that make the biggest impression.

So, how’d YOU sleep last night?

Comments

Leave a Reply

Comments are moderated and will not appear on johnfullerblog.com until they've been approved. While we are eager to facilitate conversation by publishing most comments, we may withhold one from time to time if we deem it offensive, vulgar, overly personal, cynical, disrespectful, irrelevant, redundant or unnecessarily contentious.
Comments on John Fuller's blog may not refer specifically to any current electoral candidate, or any measure on a current ballot – at any level of local, state, or federal government. Focus on the Family is a non-profit 501(c)(3) entity, and therefore cannot take a position on specific votes. Nor can we display any such statements on our Web sites. Likewise, we cannot discuss here the personal viewpoints of people like Dr. Dobson or Jim Daly on political candidates or ballot measures. Any posts to this forum which violate these rules will be removed. There is an alternative venue for this type of discussion. Some activities of this nature are undertaken by Focus on the Family Action, a 501(c)(4) organization, and its media outlet, Citizenlink.
Finally, if you would like to contact our ministry directly, please feel free to do so from one of our FAQs.