New Parents: Hamster Food?

Many years ago a “new parent suggestion” booklet was given to us. It featured timeless advice from college students for the expectant mom and dad, as uniquely expressed as I’ve ever seen. Samples:

While most of the above advice is tongue-in-cheek, that last point is obviously a keeper.

Why not take the suggestion to hug your child – today, several times – and say, “I love you.” It’ll take only a moment, but I promise the positive effects will linger a long, long time.

By the way, if you need additional encouragement as a new father, I hope you’ll download the free chapter from my book, and other free resources, from the links at your right.

Running The (Special Needs) Race

In God’s wisdom He thought it would be good for me to run a couple of marathons. That’s all I can conclude. Let me explain by way of a personal illustration.

Almost 15 years ago I took on a challenge of immense proportions: to run a marathon. Coaxed on by a friend, I finally decided that I could do it, I could learn to run more than 26 miles in a stretch! After a rigorous training schedule, I put my feet to the test, and ran the Steamboat Springs Marathon.

I was absolutely exhausted by the end. In fact, a co-worker who was there – and finished well before me – snapped a photograph of me as I crossed the finish line. About that picture, someone observed about, “You don’t look so good.”

Of course I didn’t look so good – I had just spent more than three and a half hours running my legs off!

The next year I ran the Chicago Marathon. Once again, it wasn’t a pretty ending. Dragging myself across the finish line, I declined the offer for food and drink, preferring instead to lay down on a stack of discarded boxes. A race worker approached me and with good intentions asked if I was okay?

“I’m alright,” I wheezed as I closed my eyes and caught my breath.

Those were good days, although hard. I’m grateful for my friend’s urging. Not many people get to run distance races. I’m also glad for my wife’s patience as I trained, because sometimes I went out for a three-hour run on Saturday mornings. She would have preferred I stayed home!

Today my knees creak and squeak, and I’ve given up running for exercise that is easier on the joints. Still, I’ve reflected often on lessons  learned as I trained and ran.

Among those lessons was this little nugget: A steady pace can help me finish even a long distance run. It is all about pacing.  Start off too fast, and you’re likely to burn out halfway through, or even before.

That’s a principle I need to keep in mind as we parent a child with special needs. Pace. Keep the end in mind. Persevere through the pain and press on toward the end.

I’ve needed that principle for the past six years now, since we first learned our youngest son has autism. Our first reaction was numbness, then we sprung into action. The pace since then has been rather relentless. The many on-going therapies, medical visits, special trips to bring home a troubled child, social outbursts, strains on our other children, expenditures, insurance calls, piles of paperwork, explanations (apologies, really) to other parents…have left us tired. In fact, to this point the race has drained us, particularly emotionally, although we have not given up.

Along this journey we’ve seen God’s remarkable, sustaining presence and power. He has touched our boy in some significant ways, and there has been tremendous progress on all fronts.

In this “race” God has used Zane to pull us to Himself, to show us His grace, to say things I would not have otherwise heard.

And so we’ll continue on in this parenting journey, step by step, mile after mile. We’ll keep at it with our eyes on the finish line, endeavoring to help our son grow and gain the tools he needs to thrive.

So: pace. We’ll do our best to maintain a steady pace as we run, so we can go the distance. A steady pace that keeps the legs moving, keeps the face forward, keeps the goal in mind.

It hasn’t been easy, this “special needs race.”  It has taken everything we’ve got. We’ve gone further down this path than we could have ever envisioned. We’ve been stretched beyond anything we thought possible. And through it all, God has been close. He’s been the One we’ve leaned upon, and Who has provided the needed grace.

I suspect one day we’ll push past the finish line and collapse in a heap, exhausted totally out of breath. And it’ll be worth every bit of the effort, focus, discipline, sweat and even the pain.

I also suspect Zane would agree.

Parenting With Courage

Do you know a “Courageous Parent?” You’ve likely come across a difference-maker who goes “above and beyond” to better the life of their child. Moms who do really admirable things. Dads who are really engaged. Parents who are not afraid, but are confidently and courageously raising the next generation.

Tell us a brief story about an exemplary parent in our Courageous Contest! You can do so in these five ways:

-     Online
-     Facebook
-     Email your story to contest@focusonthefamily.com
-     Call us and record your contest entry at 866-371-6966
-     Send us your story by mail to: Focus on the Family, Courageous Contest Entry, Colorado Springs, CO 80995

Every week during the contest period there will be five weekly winners who will receive resource collections or digital downloads valued at approximately $75. One grand prize winner will win a trip to attend the premiere of Courageous, the latest film from the creators of Fireproof.

We’d love to hear about any person in your life who is a Courageous Parent!

Advice For Expectant Parents

I caught our third child. And I’m not saying I caught her doing something. I literally caught her.

On a recent Focus on the Family radio program we shared an audio clip of the “911″ call I made moments after “delivering” our daughter Allie at home, unexpectedly. What a moment! It was one of the most profound, moving experiences of my life. I can hardly go back in time to that wonderful day without tearing up!

In case you missed it, here’s the highlight clip: 911 call re: Allie Fuller

Even though Allie was our third child, there were some things about parenting – especially related to raising a girl – that I wish I had known at the time. A third child changes everything, and when you are used to having a couple of rambunctious boys, a girl can be an especially (and wonderful!) catalyst for change.

Let me share a few “thought starters” for the new (or expectant) parent. Consider your assumptions about how a baby will affect your life:

1.     What does being a mom or dad mean to you?

2.     Do you expect parenting to be easy or hard? Why?

3.     How would you describe one (or more!) of the biggest challenges you’re facing about being a first time dad or mom?

4.     Overall, how do you think you’ll do as a new parent?

It is important to think through these questions, and to consider what you’re really expecting – when you’re expecting. Big changes are coming, and you CAN do this parenting thing well. You just need to be prepared to learn as you go, to be open to God’s leading, to find joy in the journey. It is a wonderful privilege to shepherd a child through those early days…all the way to adulthood.

Over the weekend we celebrated Allie’s 17th birthday. It’s really hard to believe she is a lovely young lady who can drive, care for the household and express a desire to serve God and know Him better. While at times the parenting process seemed slow, let the 911 call above remind you that things get moving pretty fast, and that your role as a mom or dad will transition all-too-quickly to coach/mentor/friend.

Choose The Good Path

In Colorado, where our family makes its home, there are fifty-four “14ers” (mountains 14,000 feet or higher). Some outdoor enthusiasts make it a goal to climb all fifty-four.

I recently heard about one man who was climbing Mount Princeton with his son. As they neared the summit and the father scanned the trail, the boy shouted out from behind, “Choose the good path, Dad; I’m coming right behind you!”

That little fellow was instinctively reminding his dad to live the words of Proverbs 22:6:

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (ESV).

I won’t go deeply into the principles in this proverb, but I do want to note that it is just that – a principle. The verse isn’t a promise that “if you do just such and such, your child will turn out just fine and you won’t have any troubles.” As “wisdom literature,” there is a take-away nugget of truth, not a guarantee.

No parent can be certain their child will make good choices throughout life. But every parent can pray and hope that what we pass along to that child will, at the least, one day make sense and become a heartfelt conviction to them.

For the Christian parent, isn’t that the whole point of our effort to raise our kids? To train them to walk with God?

The truth is that you and I are leading our kids up a mountain. The journey is a walk of devotion to our God, and we have to personally choose the ‘good path” — because those children are right behind, following closely at our feet.

What path are you choosing today?