What Do You Recommend?

Sitting in a conversation with Rob Kirkpatrick, the Executive Producer for our daily Focus radio program, we talked about parenting. We touched on several key resources and perspectives about child-rearing that we naturally rely on, day in and day out. For me, those include Dr. Dobson’s classic, New Strong Willed Child. And Dr. Kevin Leman’s book about the role of birth order in how children behave. And then there’s Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, Five Love Languages. And if I took a few more minutes, I could probably list several more books and videos that have been essential for me to use and apply as a parent.

I’m wondering what resources YOU might suggest to people - over and over again - as you go through the parenting journey? Give me a list of your favorite items - and some links, too.

Your Favorite Focus Broadcasts

Looking back over the years…that’s what we’ve been doing this past week of programming. I’ve given some thought to a list of outstanding Focus on the Family broadcasts. Let me share a few of my favorite memories from the studio.

One is when we had the Barrett family sharing about the difficulties and challenges they experienced with a couple of their adopted children. Dr. Dobson was overcome with emotion as he described the awful pain and abuse those kids had seen prior to their adoptions. Then his eyes teared up, his voice cracked, and he simply had to stop the interview so he could compose himself.

That day confirmed what I already knew – that Dr. Dobson is a man with a big heart and great compassion, one who will stand up and fight for the neglected and abused. And that display of emotion made me appreciate and respect him all the more.

Then there was the day a former guest, Lindsey O’Conner, stopped by to give an update on her incredible story of giving birth to a daughter - while Lindsey was in a coma! Dr. Dobson spontaneously decided to record a program, and masterfully interviewed her, drawing out the way God worked in her family’s life. It was an outstanding conversation. He did that without any prep, and I was amazed at the ease with which he created that broadcast. It showed a wonderful instinct for stories and how to make compelling radio.

And one of the programs that spoke most powerfully to me was Dr. Dobson’s interview back in 2001 with Brandt Gustavson and Dr. Bill Bright. We called it, A Race To Heaven, and in that conversation he had me – and millions more – riveted to the radio for 30 minutes as he explored how those great men of God were approaching the end of their days here on earth. They shared so vividly about the God’s grace in their trials, their great joy in serving Christ, and their desire to see Him face to face. That inspiring exchange has – to this day – caused me to keep an eternal perspective on this life.

These are just a few of the standout programs I’ve enjoyed from the years that Dr. Dobson has hosted Focus on the Family.

What’s on your list of “must-listen” list of Focus broadcasts?

Rebecca St. James Supports Super Bowl Ad

Rebecca St. James released a statement about the Focus on the Family Super Bowl ad, and it is encouraging to see her words of support:

“I think in spite of the protests this week from NOW, GloriaAllred, and ‘pro-choice’ organizations, this ad being aired is a matter of the First Amendments’ right of free speech.  I applaud Focus on the Family for creating the ad and bringing the story of Tim Tebow’s life to American viewers during the Super Bowl, and I applaud CBS for broadcasting it.  Here is the heart warming story of a young man whose mother-when faced with the option of abortion-chose ‘life’ and he is here to thank her, be a rising sports hero, and use that life to be a blessing to many! Unlike Tim Tebow–the more than 1 million babies that are aborted each year in the US have no voices-and no opportunity to tell us what they think of their mothers ultimate ‘choice’ for their lives.”

Thanks, Rebecca, for your on-going pro-life stance, and for your public support of this ad!

BTW, Rebecca St. James will be in New York next week—Tuesday, February 9th—to appear on “Hannity” on the Fox News Channel. She’ll no doubt be talking about her recent film, in which she plays the lead character, called, “Sarah’s Choice.” The film is a powerful exploration of the sanctity of life.

Too Soon For Facebook?

My brother and I were talking the other day. We get along famously, and I really enjoy our conversations. He asked me about Facebook, as he isn’t a user and wonders about when he should allow his oldest to get an account. Since I just allowed our 15 year-old to have a Facebook account of her own, I told him that 15 is about right.

I think a child needs to be able to deal well with external disciplines for online, social media activity. I also believe our kids need to demonstrate some good internal sensors before having “Facebook freedom” as there is a tendency to waste time, share overtly sensitive information and engage in childish behaviors when online. BTW, just today I’ve had to suspend one of our children’s FB accounts for a while, due to misuse. Nothing really terrible, but unauthorized and thus in violation of the rules we jointly wrote up for its use. I’m not real popular for that action, but my goal isn’t to be a popular parent, it is to help develop my kid’s, their minds, hearts and character, as well as their spiritual well-being.

Maybe I’m being overprotective, but I don’t think so. I’m not an ogre, just doing the “dad thing” - and I wish more parents would join me.

Learning the Truth

What do a shotgun and a watermelon have to do with teaching and learning about Truth? Here’s a great story by Dr. Del Tackett, over at his blog, about that very thing. Every parent should read this powerful insight and take away an appreciation for the need to help our kids grab onto Truth.

Driven To Distraction?

Last week it was time to mark another milestone. I took my daughter for the rite of passage that is…a driving permit. She passed the test, paid the $14 and posed for her photograph. And so the process begins, again.

For the third time now I’ll be training a teen driver the ways to navigate the road. Fifty hours - minimum - and a year’s wait, and she could be slipping in behind the wheel of an automobile, all by herself. Meantime, we’ll cover a variety of basics, I’ll make sure she knows how to change a tire, and we’ll have some quality time together.

Safety, of course, is the primary goal. I want my kids to become good drivers, in a variety of weather conditions and with different circumstances like heavy highway traffic and everyday distractions. I want them to demonstrate confidence and competence as they tool around in several tons of sheet metal.

But what to do about those ubiquitous cell phones? Here in Colorado, there’s a new law banning teens from texting while driving. I’m alright with the concept of discouraging risky driving habits, but from what I can tell, that is a very general law, one which might be hard to enforce (how can a patrolman tell if the individual was texting, or just dialing a number, or perhaps checking the GPS for directions?). Matters not, as my new drivers already have a no-cell-phone-while-the-car-is-moving policy, so texting isn’t supposed to happen anyway. And I’ve told my older children that they will have to pay for increased premiums resulting from any accident that they cause.

Still, who can separate a teen from their phone? That wasn’t a problem for me when I was 16, because the phone cord couldn’t even reach out the door, let alone into the car! Seriously, though, while technology battles for a driver’s attention, you may be tempted to think this is a rather new phenomena. Well, you’d be wrong! “Car phones” date back to the 1960s. If you doubt my word, check out this dated photo and the accompanying article about the telecommunication industry’s plan to bring drivers and phones together. I’m glad phones have gotten a little more sophisticated, aren’t you?

My daughter is really looking forward to this process, and truth be told, so am I. While we’re out learning how to drive well, I’ll make sure that neither of us is talking or texting. Any other readers in agreement with me?

Choosing A College

These days I’m sure the postal delivery person (aka mailman) is not overly happy with us. Every day he drops off seven or eight pieces of mail from colleges. Headlines on the envelopes are written for Seth, our high school senior, trying to convince him that they know just where he should spend four years and thousands of dollars:

Truth be told, most of this mail is going into the trash can, but we can’t slow the tide down. We only hope that the mailman doesn’t mind the extra work - it is seasonal, in many ways, and eventually the offers of interest will come to an end.

Hard to believe, but our oldest son is already a junior in college. We felt his absence acutely last week as our family gathered for Thanksgiving, but are grateful that on such holidays when he can’t be home, he does have an established community there in Michigan of which he can be part. While it was three years ago, I recall some good discussions and decision-making associated with the college application process.

Back to Seth: He has a good idea of where he’d like to go next fall, but he is keeping his options open. He has dismissed some schools, is intrigued by others and is indifferent to many. I was prompted by an article in the Wall Street Journal to consider the present Fuller Family hunt for a college. I’ll admit that I’m leaving a lot of the search up to my son, but from what I can tell, there are many parents who are much more engaged in that process.

The WSJ article mentions moms who quit their jobs to make college visits with their prospective son or daughter, and others who lament how time intensive the whole application is. Really?

Maybe I’m missing something here. I don’t want to dismiss the significant expenses associated with college, but isn’t this kind of the start of a parent’s send-off? Don’t we help our kids if we point them in the right direction and then let them choose the landing spot, the place they’ll make that transition from dependence to independence?   Maybe parents who complain about college applications and such are owning too much of that process? I think we need to let go and let our kids make this decision - and live with the consequences, good or bad.

Let me know what you think, especially if you disagree with my assessment.

And for those with a high school senior, here’s a good perspective about this season of parenting from Chip Ingram, some advice from Dr. Dobson, advice for the college-bound, recollections by some parents about saying goodbye to their college-bound daughter, and information about the Focus Leadership Institute (keep it in mind for your child’s junior or senior year - a college semester spent here at Focus on the Family).

Healed!

Our youngest stepped on a nail the other day. He poked his foot pretty good, although not deeply. And for a day he hopped around the house on one foot. It was pretty noisy - we have hardwood floors, and while he isn’t a very big kid, Zane’s hopping sounded like a marching band was going through the place. He was pretty cute as he made his way from the bedroom to the living room. (And yes, we made sure he is up-to-date on shots.)

Anyway, he started getting better yesterday, and after church took his shoes and sock off. When he did that, the plastic bandage came off, too. He notices these things. He looked intently at his foot and then, looking at his sister standing nearby, said, “I think the Holy Spirit made my foot stop bleeding.”

He repeated that diagnosis to me a few minutes later, and all I could say was, “You are probably right, buddy.” Who am I to argue with him?

As I smiled at Zane’s faith in God’s ability to heal his sore foot, I thought about the innocence and truly child-like quality of his statement. We read a lot of Bible stories to him, and while those are important for Zane to hear and to know, it was mighty pleasing to see that he is internalizing those, and that he related God’s ability to heal with today, with his own need. In his mind, his foot is better, so it must have been God’s healing hand at work.

I also thought about the more adult, sophisticated response to illness and injury - even in Christian circles. I’ll admit that I tend to ascribe physical improvements to medicine or the physical therapist. When I have a headache, I do occasionally pray about it, but I more often grab some pain reliever. And when I get better, I don’t usually attribute my healed wounds and hurts directly to the Holy Spirit.

But maybe I’ll start doing that.

Unfortunately, I Can Relate

Maybe this is a valid description of what you are like some days? To avoid being a real monster, I usually try to pray on my way home…aware of my need to transition to the most important role I have in life: husband and father.

Let Go, Mom

For 32 years, Focus on the Family has been sharing timeless, biblical principles about the family. Dr. Dobson’s common-sense, intuitive approach to parenting and marriage reflects his own upbringing, and his parents’ wisdom. He has often pointed out that much of his advice is found right in the Scriptures. For that reason, it is always interesting to me when social scientists reveal something “new” - that we’ve been saying for three decades.

This article has some good parenting insights, and references “new” research that confirms…old, “traditional” understandings. I’d suggest you read this so you can keep up with the latest trends. Kids need the influence of both Mom and Dad. Fathers and mothers have different ways of relating to the children. And sometimes Mom has to let go of how the interactions happen.

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