The e-Book Revolution, Coming To Your School Soon

It arrived without the fanfare of a new phone or tablet, but last week’s introduction to the world of digital textbooks signals Apple’s “next big thing.” As the company continues to explore new ways of delivering content, and to expand its revenue sources, I think they’ve tapped into a HUGE market.

Any college student will tell you that bookstore visits are usually dreaded. It isn’t that the staff are unfriendly, or that the atmosphere isn’t nice enough. Its the drain on the wallet – or pocketbook – that is so painful. Buy the latest edition, because last semester’s textbook is pitifully outdated. Get the right edition, because the prof isn’t going to accommodate a slacker who can’t get the required book. And watch the latest become…a big old paperweight, rather useless after the semester is over. I am ashamed to say that I actually thought I’d refer to some of my most valued college texts…and that a few remain crammed into a box in the attic…even though it has been a long, long time since those courses.

Obviously the textbook system is antiquated and in need of overhaul. And our friends at Apple are looking out for us. According to some quick research, Apple sold 350,000 textbooks in the three days after unveiling their availability on iBookstore.

While the market is only for college books at the present, you can see where this is headed. K-12 educators and parents need to be ready for the day, coming all too soon, when all students use a tablet device for all their books. I recall a conversation less than a year ago with my daughter, a high school student who carries about 100 pounds of books to and from school everyday (oh, alright, maybe it was 40 or 50 pounds…but still).I shared my concern about the burden – literally – of carrying that much weight. Too many books! There is hope, I told her, of a brighter future.

“Saige,” I said, “Before you finish college you’ll be getting all your textbooks electronically. You’ll have ‘em all on an iPad. It’ll save you money – and it’ll save your back!”

Looks like I was a little long on the projection. Seems she’ll see that textbook revolution happen before she finishes high school. And for that, I am grateful.

However, I’m wondering about the downside of having so much loaded onto a computer or tablet. Don’t our kids spend too much time already in front of those glowing screens? Do I really want my child to turn on their “books?” I guess it is inevitable, and I’ll look at the bright side of this development.

How about you? Has your child worn out the backpack from overloading, or suffered back problems from carrying around too many school books?

 

Advice For First Time Dads

I’m very pleased that the Focus on the Family radio program about my book, First Time Dad, re-airs today as part of the “Best of 2011″ series. What a privilege to share from my own experiences with new fathers. Here’s a reflection on some early memories as we anticipated the arrival of our first child.

If you visit the Amtrak level of New York City’s Penn Station, you’ll notice a large schedule board that hangs from the ceiling. At rush hour, crowds gather there, sometimes several people deep, to await their train’s track assignment. People are eager to make a beeline for the train to get a good seat. Just prior to the boarding announcement, a voice bellows from the speakers: “Ready! Ready! Ready! Ready!” The passengers grab their bags and brace themselves for the sprint downstairs.

That’s a lot how we felt in those days leading up to Dakota’s arrival. We were ready. Our bags were packed, and we had one in each hand.

If having a child is akin to a college final, we were prepared to ace the exam. Within months we were set to take on the biggest responsibility we’d ever known, the most significant work a person can do. We knew that raising a child is a fearful and wonderful job, one that never really ends, but one for which we were as prepared as we could be.

Or so we thought.

Simply thinking, reading, and talking about our new roles of dad and mom wasn’t enough. Looking back, I realize just how little I really knew about being a dad when our firstborn entered the world.

If you’re feeling confident, or even if you have some reservations, about becoming a new parent, I’ll encourage you to listen to the conversation, download the free materials (over there on the right side of this page) and maybe even get a copy of my book.

And maybe you can share a story from your early parenting experiences here in the comments section? Thanks!

Your Kid Needs A Cell Phone

Having lunch with a friend the other day, we came across a problem common to many parents. Cell phones. More specifically, kids and cell phones.

“He wants a smart phone. But I’m not sure I want him watching movies unsupervised. And I certainly don’t want him playing games online.”

“I understand those concerns,” I replied.

“Well, we also have to figure out how to deal with the texting minutes. He routinely goes way past the allowable texts every month.”

“Why not let HIM bear the cost of the plan? I think he’ll see that it is too expensive for him to have a smart phone.”

“And,” I continued,

“Why even pay for him to have a phone at all?”

His response was expected, and I can’t really argue with the reason.

“His mother and I think it is a good thing for him to have a phone, especially if we want to reach him.”

Bottom line: How do you handle your teen’s request for a phone? For a smart phone?

On this I am surely in the minority. Of our six children, only two have their own cell phone. And they are adults paying the entire cost of the phone and plan. My 17 year-old wants a phone, but “no dice.” Our 16 year-old would surely love a phone. But we aren’t acquiescing.

“All your friends have phones. Just ask to use one of theirs if you need to call us.”

That’s my wife’s response to a teen’s”need” to have a cell phone.  And I think it is appropriate. Well, appropriate, at least, to suggest that if my kids want a phone they can…buy one.

“And give me a number or two of folks you’ll be with. Write it on the kitchen white board, please.”

That’s my request as one of our daughters leaves the house. If I need to reach her, I should be able to do so through a friend’s cell phone.

Now, to be clear, I don’t have any argument with a parent who has reasons for providing their teen with a phone.  I’m just too cheap to do that! And, I’d prefer to avoid an early dependence on technology like phones – which lead to other things (like texting, movies and games).

So, I’m pretty much a grump about cell phones for kids. Summing up our family rules:

I am not alone in this. Here’s an article from the Wall Street Journal capturing a similar perspective from another parent. Liz Moyer writes,

My girls are both responsible, reliable kids who wouldn’t lose their phones (they haven’t misplaced so much as a mitten since kindergarten) and wouldn’t use them at inappropriate times like during school (too afraid of getting in trouble). But I’m going to take the un-cool route and say no to the phone, at least for now. I’d like the girls to have a few more years of talking to their friends and building relationships the old-fashioned way.

Have to hand it to Liz: The unpopular route is definitely the way to go on this.

So, about teens and ‘tweens and phones: What do you think? Does your kid really need a cell phone?

Taking A Look Ahead

Looking ahead...what do you see?

It was loaded on my iPod, and while I had heard it dozens of times – often cranked up loud on my first “real” stereo system back in my college days – I’m not sure I ever really listened to the lyrics. That particular morning, though, as I walked along the road in the middle of Gunnison County, surrounded by beautiful mountains and enjoying some solitude, I listened and heard the meaning of the song. And on this lovely day I thought they were pretty profound.

Back in 1976 the band Boston released their debut album. It was a highly successful project. An ardent follower of the pop and rock music scene, I played this album a lot — probably a hundred times a year. One song, “Peace of Mind,” has been a staple for classic rock stations, and I’ve heard it often over the years.

I’m not sure why I never noticed the point of “Peace of Mind” prior to this particular morning walk. Despite my familiarity with the guitar riffs and even the chorus, for some reason I had never dialed into the meaning of the lyrics. As I enjoyed the sunshine and trees, though, the message came through clearly. And it grabbed me! I found myself completely agreeing with lead singer Brad Delp as he sang with conviction:

Now you’re climbin’ to the top of the company ladder

Hope it doesn’t take too long

Can’tcha see there’ll come a day when it won’t matter

Come a day when you’ll be gone

~

I understand about indecision

But I don’t care if I get behind

People livin’ in competition

All I want is to have my peace of mind.

Take a look ahead, take a look ahead. Look ahead.

Walking along that rural highway with my iPod cranked up, it suddenly seemed as though Solomon had packaged one of his proverbial sayings or a line from his ancient writings in Ecclesiastes to some good electric guitar and driving drums. There were timeless themes that are as relevant today as they were back in the 70s. Notions of success, competition, climbing the corporate ladder, striving to get ahead…that’s what Delp was singing about. And I realized there was – and is – an application for my life from this song.

Chasing after temporal values, wrestling with decisions about where we invest our time and energies, overlooking internal peace as we go for the gold…these are ultimately empty and meaningless pursuits.

When we look at what really matters, considering matters with a more eternal perspective, it becomes clear that a lot of what we value is temporal in nature. Unfortunately, as well, is that much of what we ignore or at least treat with less enthusiasm and respect is really quite important. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong in working hard and doing well, but misplaced priorities can sidetrack us from the really meaningful aspects of life.

So, I need to stop and take a look ahead. Look down the road and consider what I believe is important. Will it last?

Will my efforts last into eternity?

In some ways, the work I do at Focus will last. It has an eternal message, and many lives around the world have been touched by our radio efforts. This is a great job, and I am deeply grateful for it. However, as I told Dena last night, “I’m not irreplaceable.”

In the ten years I’ve been co-host of the Focus on the Family radio program, I’ve only missed being on a handful of broadcasts. But in my absence…”the show must go on” – and it does. Whether I am here or not, our team produces great programming, and if someone needs to handle my duties while I am away, they get that taken care of. I’m replaceable at work.

But, as I tell folks with some frequency, despite the joys and fulfillment I find here at Focus, my REAL job is right at home as a husband and father. In these roles I am irreplaceable. I’m the guy. There isn’t a substitute. The responsibility to love my wife and kids is solely mine. It isn’t something someone else can step in and do until I get back.

How about you? You work hard, and you might have a great job. But its temporal compared to the eternal investment you are called to make in your family.

Are you taking a look ahead? Taking a “long view” of things, and making sure your priorities are right? It’s not too late…

Sleepless Kids

We had finally had enough. The “Little Man” was waking up often. Consistently. And it wasn’t pretty.

All dressed up and nowhere to go...

When he was three years old, Zane finally went up to Denver for an overnight sleep study. We had hit the wall, having his sleep – and ours – interrupted so frequently. Poor guy – he’d wake up at all hours and…play in his room. Or come into ours. Or cry out seemingly in great pain. The reasons were many, the explanations were not satisfactory.

We tried good bedtime routines. We had him on a sleep aid – such a young age for meds like that! Still, he woke up most nights.  It was easy to tell that the sleeplessness was catching up to him. Cranky. Irritable.

And the toll on us was pretty significant, too.

Have you been there with a child?  Sleepless kids can be a real challenge in many different ways. I was reminded about how common this problem is when I read an observation by one deprived parent, Emily Peck:

Look, I’m no sleep genius. I zombie-walked through much of the past week because my 3-year-old suddenly decided that 2 a.m. was a good time for some one-on-one with mom. Still, this week we’re back on track.

What’s worked: Consistently walking my son back to his room no matter how much he protests. It’s not a quick fix and my sleep definitely suffered. Moreover, I’m sure the problem’s not permanently solved. He’ll probably be waking me up in the middle of the night, well, forever. I imagine that when he’s older, I’ll sleep with one eye open, just waiting for him to come home at night.

I’m glad for Emily and her family that her son did find a good sleep routine. Sometimes a parent can help immensely with getting there. Other times, external help in the form of medications and even a sleep study are the route to go.

And so we scheduled the overnight appointment. We made the drive north, arrived early evening, and he got hooked to dozens of wires. Then we sat around while he tried to sleep in a new environment with the wires, hallway lights, and interruptions.

Insurance covered most of the cost of our little overnight science adventure. Good thing, too…because the final report was,

Zane is not getting enough R.E.M. sleep.

That was it? Well, sorry guys, but I KNEW that. Unfortunately, we were left with the same kind of options that we had been chasing prior to this expensive sleep study.

The good news is that Zane eventually did get into some good sleep patterns. Now eight, he usually is asleep by 8:30 or 9 every night, and doesn’t awaken most mornings until 6:45 or 7 a.m.

Now, however, I’m not sleeping like I need to, and I’m not really sure why.

I AM sure, though, that I’m not going to Denver anytime soon for a sleep study.

If you’ve had a sleepless child, what did you do about it?

 

He’s Pretty Busy

Lately, Zane’s been struggling a bit with telling the truth. This is pretty typical for kids, of course. But this boy does make some rather unbelievable statements. Sometimes I just wonder what is going on in his little brain. He can come up with some real zingers!

Yesterday in church Gwen came up to share about an interesting conversation she had during Sunday School. In all seriousness, Zane told her,

” Justin Bieber is my brother.”

Now, Gwen knows our family, and she knows Zane. She was a bit puzzled by this statement, though. Before  she could reply, he continued:

“Yeah. He doesn’t come around much, because he’s pretty busy going around singing and stuff.”

Ah, of course.

I was wondering why I haven’t seen Justin around the house for some time…

Choose The Good Path

In Colorado, where our family makes its home, there are fifty-four “14ers” (mountains 14,000 feet or higher). Some outdoor enthusiasts make it a goal to climb all fifty-four. I recently heard about one man who was climbing Mount Princeton with his son.

As they neared the summit and the father scanned the trail, the boy shouted out from behind,

“Choose the good path, Dad; I’m coming right behind you!”

That little fellow was instinctively reminding his dad to live the words of Proverbs 22:6:

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (ESV).

Or consider the apostle Paul’s blunt admonition to the members of the church at Ephesus:

“Fathers,” he said, “do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4 ESV).

Isn’t that the whole point? You don’t want to be a good father just for the sake of being a good father. You want to be a good father because you want to teach your son how to be a good man!

As I’ve worked at being an intentional, engaged dad, one of the more effective tools I’ve used is a milestone event to mark the various passages of life.

When my boys hit age eleven or so, I took them off for a special weekend to get ready for the turbulence of the adolescent years. We enjoyed some great guy time, with outdoor adventures, good food and some special times of father-son instruction.

Dena and I commemorated their 14th birthdays with a adults-only special dinner. Spending the evening with a few select couples, enjoying some great steaks and conversation, I charged them to be men of God. It was a casual – and quite Christian – adaptation of a bar mitzvah.

At 18 we celebrated high school graduation and the official start to their adult lives. I read some Scriptures, we gave them some small gifts, and we all turned the corner to their journey on the road of life.

If you strive to be a good model for your kids, and if you want to really make their transition to adulthood meaningful – and memorable – there are some great resources. A new book, Rite of Passage, written by Jim McBride, caught my attention. Jim is the executive producer of the films released by Sherwood Pictures (he pastors at Sherwood Baptist Church). Their newest project, Courageous, is in theaters September 30.

Father to four children, Jim has lived out a powerful approach to setting his kids on a right path. A good path.

What I liked about Rite of Passage is the way it records Jim’s dedication to his daughters and son, and to his God. He planned and then held ceremonies to mark the maturing of his kids, and to help them know God’s intent for their lives, as they became adults. He worked hard, and succeeded in bringing together memories messages involving significant people in his children’s lives.

The book is easy to read, full of personal anecdotes and quotes. Jim includes practical suggestions, and even tackles some common challenges in setting out to mark your child’s road to adulthood.

I was really glad to read this book right now because in our family we’ll celebrate yet another 16th birthday in just a few months. Our fourth child, a beloved daughter, will hit “Sweet Sixteen,” and we want to make sure we celebrate richly. Even though in previous years we’ve marked the occasion for her three older siblings, or perhaps because we have done so, this girl needs something really special. Jim McBride has given me some great ideas to incorporate as we begin planning!

Dad, you love your kids. You long to model “the good path” for your kids. Get a dose of inspiration from out Courageous – and Rite of Passage.

And, if you’re a new father, grab the free download of chapter one from my book, First Time Dad, from the sidebar on the right. Maybe it’ll encourage you in these early days of parenting.

A Rich Twenty

A favorite memory from our final days in Tyler. My oldest child, age three at the time, walking with my niece.

In late July 1991, I was pondering a job change. I was happy with managing two Christian radio stations in Texas. Our circumstances were close to ideal. We lived two blocks from my wife’s sister and her family. One set of grandparents—we had one child at the time—lived only twenty minutes away. We belonged to a good church, had some wonderful friends, and loved our neighborhood.

To accept the new job would mean moving to Colorado and leaving all we had known as a young family. There’d be some tears if we took on the challenge of a new job in a new city and state.

That was a lot of upheaval to consider.

As a complicating factor, we were expecting at any time the birth of a second child.

Weighing the opportunity, we sought counsel from trusted friends. After considerable prayer and thought, we decided to go for it.

Within hours of making the decision, Dena went into labor. In fact, Seth was born just eight hours after I called to accept the offer to join the Focus on the Family broadcast team. Six weeks later, I was in Colorado starting the new job.

And today, September 13, marks my 20th anniversary with the organization. The time has flown!

I’m so grateful for the opportunity to work at Focus, and haven’t regretted the tumultuous move we made to be here in Colorado. I thank God for the many great things that I’ve experienced these past two decades!  Of course, I thank my wife Dena for faithfully supporting and praying for me through these years. I’ll also offer a public thank you to the many who have helped me grow and serve more effectively at Focus. I’ve served under some superb leaders!

Now, let me get a tissue to wipe my eyes…

NOTE: The above thoughts are adapted from the last chapter (“Blink!”) of my book, First Time Dad, The Stuff You Really Need To Know. Download the first chapter, and find additional material, from the links to the right side of this blog. It is available in paperback and e-reader formats, and I’ll have an audio book out soon, as well.

And, as I consider the past 20 years at Focus, five quick reflections:

  1. There have been lots of hellos and goodbyes. Staff, guests, friends in the business. Transitions are part of life, aren’t they?
  2. I’m surrounded by truly amazing people. My co-workers have heart, depth, commitment, passion, business savvy, wisdom, talent, and a love for Christ that are really inspiring!
  3. God has shown Focus on the Family incredible favor, with outstanding open doors, audiences, partnerships and impact. Literally thousands of lives are changed through Focus on the Family every year.
  4. My favorite times include our in-studio conversations with guests, and meeting friends (and partners) of the ministry. There are so many terrific people who have a desire to help families!
  5. The most gratifying aspect of my work over the years has been the opportunity to share the Good News with folks, knowing God is reaping an eternal harvest through us. I am humbled to know He sends our radio programming around the world, and that many broadcasts have helped individuals better understand His grace and mercy in Christ. Awesome!

New Study: Dad Matters

My colleague Glenn Stanton has a piece in National Review Online in which he summarizes some new research about the importance of fathers. Here’s how he frames the findings:

The bad news: More children are living without the tremendous advantage of having daily access to their fathers in the home.

The good news: Of those who do have a father in their home, their dads are 2.5 times more likely to be closely involved in their children’s care than live-in fathers were in the 1960s.

It seems a new generation of dads are more involved than ever in the lives of their young children. Unfortunately, there are fewer men living at home with those children.

The good news for those fathers who are trying their best:

“These (latest) results appear to fit with previous findings indicating that pro-social behaviors such as altruism and generosity in children were related to active involvement in child care by fathers.”

In other words, Dad, you DO make a difference, especially in the long run, in shaping your child’s character and values. At times the parenting role is exhausting. Moms – and Dads – get tired from the constant training and on-going challenges. Take hope, however, that you are making a difference! Let me encourage you to show up and give parenting your best today!

Parents: Show Up

I had to read the letter published in the paper a second time. Had I gotten that right?

Really?

“Dear Abby: I am a 12 year-old girl who is dating a senior boy in high school. One night, we went to a party and then back to his place. His parents and sister were out of town, and he was really drunk. As soon as we got to his house, he started drinking again. That led to a big fight. I was literally walking out the door when he grabbed me and told me if I ever leave him, he’ll hunt me down and kill me!” Scared in NC

I have a 12 year-old daughter. I cannot fathom allowing her to be dating, let alone handing her off to some 17 or 18 year-old guy. I hoped Abby’s reply would reflect a bit of my anger…and it did just that.

“Dear Scared, Tell your parents or guardian about the young man’s threat. You are too young to deal with this yourself and to be dating a boy that much older than you. He clearly has problems and not enough supervision – and the same is true of you.”

That’s a disturbing letter, and while it was in the newspaper back a few years ago, it reflects a trend in parenting that I find appalling. Maybe we should call it “not showing up” parenting.

What in the world are that poor girl’s parents thinking? Why in the world would they let her “date” a guy five or six years older than her? Why is she even dating at age 12? What’s going on?

We live in a world in which parents are disengaged and hands-off. We live in a world in which kids have more freedoms – and face more dangerous influences – than ever before. We live in a world in which cultural pressures abound, influencing our parenting decisions and necessarily influencing the kinds of adults our children will become.

My friend, Janet Parshall, speaking to a crowd of concerned parents, said that their clear responsibility – a mandate from God – is to train their children. In essence, she said:

If you don’t work to pass along your values to your children, the culture will!

There’s a lot of truth in Janet’s clarion call to latch onto and own the responsibility to raise our kids with intentionality. As parents we MUST be active – relentless, really – in the spiritual training of our children.

We are responsible to pass along a passion for God to our children, and we are to be intentional about that process, as Deuteronomy 6: 6-7 clearly indicates:

“These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

Impress.

Talk.

Walk.

Lie down, get up.

Note that there are a lot of verbs in these two verses.

This is action-oriented stuff. This isn’t an optional, work-it-into-your-busy-schedule-if-you-can suggestion. This isn’t a call to be a passive parent. Instead, it is a charge to have an on going, continual, interaction with your child about your God.

What are you doing – today – to ensure that your kids are going to have a constant exposure to your faith, and to learn about God? What’s one thing you can do this very day to make sure that your values are being communicated to – and grabbed onto by – your child?

As a parent, are you going to show up today?

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