Dealing With Autism: Starting Points

As Autism Awareness Month wraps up, I’d like to offer some additional  resources and starting points for understanding and embracing ASD (see previous posts for other suggestions).

One of the most helpful approaches we’ve found, widely embraced by the medical and special needs communities, is “ABA Therapy.” Pioneered by Dr. O. Ivar Lovaas, this is an especially effective treatment for autism. Here’s his site and links to a significant number of studies about ABA Therapy.

There are many organizations offering information and networking for the autism community. We’ve found Autism Society of America (a national organization with state chapters) to be especially helpful. Your awareness of autism may have been increased by the effective advocacy work of Autism Speaks.  And my friend Bob West has a wonderful website – dealing with a variety of special needs and offering hope to families, Need Project.

For inspirational encouragement, see www.ChosenFamilies.org. My wife, Dena, appreciates http://childrenofdestiny.org, a site featuring a daily prayer for families with special needs members.

There are many more sources for parents raising a child with autism. I’d welcome your suggestions.

When The Diagnosis Is Autism

When we heard the news from a child neurologist, my wife and I were shell shocked. While relived that we had a name for the behavioral challenges we had experienced with him, we were also confused and distressed. We didn’t know what it meant when the physician said that Zane is clearly on the autistic spectrum. Unfortunately, the doctor didn’t offer much help. So we spent the first few months wondering what to do next.

We soon found ourselves immersed, however, in learning as much as possible about Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD). We read a number of books. We found a lot of information online – but how could we know what to believe and trust?

I’ve had countless conversations during the past few years with people who are dealing with a recent diagnosis of ASD for their child or grandchild. In the interest of helping other families I’ve compiled a list of resources. Here are just a few which I have found very helpful.

There is a great book that’ll give you an idea of the types of twists and turns you’ll encounter in the journey ahead. Written with compassion and some rich humor along the way. Get a copy of DANCING WITH MAX: A MOTHER AND SON WHO BROKE FREE by Emily Colson Boehme with her father, Chuck Colson. Emily’s (now) adult autistic son, Max, has been an unexpected a pathway to joy for their family, and this is an inspiring account of their experiences.

I’d also recommend THINKING IN PICTURES (and other titles) by Temple Grandin. She is a professor at Colorado State University, bestselling author, and consultant to the livestock industry on animal behavior. As a person with high-functioning autism, Grandin is noted for her work in autism advocacy.

There’s a wonderfully touching film about Temple Grandin’s life that we loan out to folks – and the overwhelming response is quite positive. This is perhaps one of the best depictions of how individuals with ASD think and relate to the world around them.

Focus on the Family has some helps. Here’s a brief video series (part one and part two) addressing how one family coped with a diagnosis of autism for their young son. Each segment is only a few minutes in length, and you’ll hear some encouraging perspectives.

More resources in the next post. For now, if you are new to the diagnosis of autism, I’ll offer a word of encouragement. Your child is special and deserving of all your love and energy. The road ahead is likely full of disappointments and difficulties. If you’ll hold onto God and His sovereignty, trusting Him each day for the strength and wisdom you’ll need, the steps on the journey will be a little bit easier, and richer.

 

Seeing God In Autism

During National Autism Awareness Month, it is a privilege to have an article about our journey with autism featured in the Washington Post’s blog, Guest Voices. While I recount some of the painful, even disorienting steps we’ve taken along the way, there are some rich moments and lessons:

I’ll admit that while it is with some reluctance that I’ve embraced our status as a special needs family, God has used our precious boy in many profound ways. The lessons have been difficult, but the rewards have been far greater.

I hope you’ll read the full article here.

Also, keep an eye out at for families with special needs…we need some extra grace and patience…as we learn those lessons God has for us. Thanks.

Attack of the iPods

Last week, in two separate packages, the delivery truck dropped off two new iPods at our home. The beautiful little (really little!) pieces of technology magic are already the pride of their new owners, two of my teen daughters. So now all three of our girls have “portable music devices” with white ear buds that will be a constant companion, a friend when they are lonely, and also a source of entertainment and distraction.

My wife isn’t the happiest about iPods and the music they hold. I understand her concerns. After all, what music is on those things, and what kinds of messages are our daughters hearing time and time again?

I’ve been a little more lax on the matter, probably because when I was about 13 I started discovering pop and rock music (I wasn’t yet a follower of Christ, so “Christian” music wasn’t part of my record collection) – and it quickly became a permanent part of my world. The teen years aren’t exactly easy. Music soothed a hurting soul, was a common denominator among friends, was even motivational and inspirational. Mostly, though, I found music gave voice to my turbulent emotions – it said things I couldn’t quite express. It still does to this day. I love how music paints pictures, moves my heart and causes me to think.

Probably because it meant so much to me all those years ago, I understand the power of music in my daughters’ lives. Dena and I are on the same page as to having some limits on what they listen to. We have general house guidelines and rules about “screen time” and music listening for our children. We try to model good consumption patterns. We talk through the impact of lyrics and lifestyles of the artists. We rely on Focus on the Family’s Plugged In media reviews for reliable information about the trends and popular groups.

The older they are, the less restrictive we are. I want my kids to “learn to discern” and offer them growing amounts of trust with regard to their choices. Helping them process the “why” behind my affirmations and objections is a pretty important part of the process. Still, I’ll admit that I’m not always on top of their playlists and “most listened to” music. So perhaps this post is more for me than for you.

With that context, then, a few questions. How do you handle your child’s media consumption? Do you allow unrestricted access to electronic devices like phones and iPods? Do you have safeguards in place to ensure your younger kids are protected from crude lyrics and content? What is the most challenging parenting problem you deal with when it comes to your kids and media?

 

Did You See It?

The unexpected “John 3:16″ commercial aired by Focus on the Family on CBS last Saturday during the Broncos-Patriots game certainly generated some buzz.

Amidst the talk show conversations, the increased traffic to the Focus website, and the many online articles about the ad – and Focus on the Family – as Focus president Jim Daly noted on his blog, some numbers are more important than others:

What touched us most, though, was this simple tweet from a man watching the game with his family: “Both my sons just saw your commercial and gave their lives to Christ as a result. Thank you. #John316″

You may think of Focus on the Family first and foremost as helping couples strengthen their marriages, raise happy, healthy children and engage the culture with biblical truth. Those are all important priorities for us, to be sure, and we’re humbled and honored by the opportunities the Lord has given us for 35 years to help families thrive in these areas. But our overriding aim, as a Christian ministry, is to share the Gospel of Christ. Offering family advice is not enough. To make a real, everlasting difference, we have to introduce people to the Author of family.

We’re grateful for all the media exposure created by the spot, the many Google searches for Focus on the Family, and even the tens of thousands of people world-wide who looked up the Bible verse as highlighted by the commercial. But most important, we’re thankful that God was pleased to use His word, as so beautifully expressed by those lovely children, to bring someone into a new relationship with Him.

 

Radio Is Reaching Our Military

If you’ve ever supported the work of Focus on the Family, through prayer and/or a financial contribution, you are a part of a dynamic outreach to those who need a good word! The following note was encouraging for us, and I hope it’ll be so for you, too:

I just wanted to say how great it is to be able to listen to Focus on the Family’s daily broadcasts online.  I’m in the military, and…most of the people I work with are not Christians, which is apparent in their lifestyles and vocabulary.  I listen to your programs at work.  Sometimes people aren’t quite sure what to say when they ask what I’m listening to and I tell them ‘Focus on the Family.’  However, it is a good way to spread the word about the Lord and tell people about your ministry.  It’s always nice to know that I can hop online and gain encouragement from your broadcasts (it is especially helpful on deployments when my surroundings are strange and scary).
We’re privileged to be used by God to speak into the lives of those serving in the military. I hope that you’ll consider a gift of $10 or $20 today to help us continue reaching out through radio, websites and more. In fact, right now you can effectively double your donation, thanks to a matching grant from some special friends of Focus on the Family. Find out more here.

A Rich Twenty

A favorite memory from our final days in Tyler. My oldest child, age three at the time, walking with my niece.

In late July 1991, I was pondering a job change. I was happy with managing two Christian radio stations in Texas. Our circumstances were close to ideal. We lived two blocks from my wife’s sister and her family. One set of grandparents—we had one child at the time—lived only twenty minutes away. We belonged to a good church, had some wonderful friends, and loved our neighborhood.

To accept the new job would mean moving to Colorado and leaving all we had known as a young family. There’d be some tears if we took on the challenge of a new job in a new city and state.

That was a lot of upheaval to consider.

As a complicating factor, we were expecting at any time the birth of a second child.

Weighing the opportunity, we sought counsel from trusted friends. After considerable prayer and thought, we decided to go for it.

Within hours of making the decision, Dena went into labor. In fact, Seth was born just eight hours after I called to accept the offer to join the Focus on the Family broadcast team. Six weeks later, I was in Colorado starting the new job.

And today, September 13, marks my 20th anniversary with the organization. The time has flown!

I’m so grateful for the opportunity to work at Focus, and haven’t regretted the tumultuous move we made to be here in Colorado. I thank God for the many great things that I’ve experienced these past two decades!  Of course, I thank my wife Dena for faithfully supporting and praying for me through these years. I’ll also offer a public thank you to the many who have helped me grow and serve more effectively at Focus. I’ve served under some superb leaders!

Now, let me get a tissue to wipe my eyes…

NOTE: The above thoughts are adapted from the last chapter (“Blink!”) of my book, First Time Dad, The Stuff You Really Need To Know. Download the first chapter, and find additional material, from the links to the right side of this blog. It is available in paperback and e-reader formats, and I’ll have an audio book out soon, as well.

And, as I consider the past 20 years at Focus, five quick reflections:

  1. There have been lots of hellos and goodbyes. Staff, guests, friends in the business. Transitions are part of life, aren’t they?
  2. I’m surrounded by truly amazing people. My co-workers have heart, depth, commitment, passion, business savvy, wisdom, talent, and a love for Christ that are really inspiring!
  3. God has shown Focus on the Family incredible favor, with outstanding open doors, audiences, partnerships and impact. Literally thousands of lives are changed through Focus on the Family every year.
  4. My favorite times include our in-studio conversations with guests, and meeting friends (and partners) of the ministry. There are so many terrific people who have a desire to help families!
  5. The most gratifying aspect of my work over the years has been the opportunity to share the Good News with folks, knowing God is reaping an eternal harvest through us. I am humbled to know He sends our radio programming around the world, and that many broadcasts have helped individuals better understand His grace and mercy in Christ. Awesome!

Help For Blended Families

Blended families present husbands, wives, moms, dads, and children – regardless of age – special opportunities and difficulties. A lot of angst, emotion…and special graces can be seen in the “mashing together” of individuals into a family.  At the Focus Marriage Forum, the most active conversation centers around blended families, kids and priorities.

Today’s Focus radio program addresses blended families. Our guests, Danny and Rayna Ortlie, speak openly about the joys – and challenges – of their rather unique situation. By the way, Danny’s book, Mommy Paints The Sky, is a tender account of his the marriage to and loss of his first wife, and how God graciously brought Rayna into his life.

Struggling with tough issues in your family? You’ll find a helpful list of trusted resources here. If you’d prefer to talk with someone, Focus on the Family Help Center counselors are here to listen and pray with you. You can arrange to speak with a licensed Christian counselor at no cost by calling 1-855-771-HELP (4357) Monday through Friday between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. Mountain time. Last year this compassionate team helped 66,000 individuals – so be aware that you’ll probably need to leave your name and number for a counselor to return your call.

Escaping the Kids

I doubt that he anticipated the response when he wrote about it on his blog. Obviously, though, my colleague (and boss) Focus President Jim Daly touched a nerve when he shared his thoughts about McDain’s Restaurant and Golf Center in Monroeville, Pennsylvania. The eatery had just recently implemented a new rule that  bans children under the age of six. There was some press coverage about the policy, sparking some sharp comments.

Some parents were offended. How dare a business ban children! Others – even parents, or perhaps especially parents – said they are fine with a “kid free” zone, where they can enjoy a meal without a crying child (maybe even their own!).

Here’s the link. Read Jim’s thoughts, and if you have a few minutes, browse the comments by his readers – almost 900 people have weighed in so far!

And tell me: Do you favor a place where you can “escape kids?” Or do you find a rule like the one at McDain’s offensive?

By the way, I’m for a business being able to exclude kids. Even my own.

Connecting With Focus

“Why am I here? Because Focus on the Family has been part of my life for the past 20 years. You’ve helped me in my marriage and in raising my kids. I’m grateful for all Focus has done, and it just seemed like I had to be here today!”

It is something we hear frequently. Focus on the Family is indeed a special ministry, and God has enabled us to really connect with people in many deep ways. That comment was from a woman I met while in Vancouver, BC last weekend for the dedication of a new headquarters for Focus on the Family Canada.

The new building – paid for at move-in! – is phenomenal in every way, but as I told FOF Canada president Terence Rolston, what really makes the place special is the staff. Energetic, enthusiastic, dedicated to the mission and obviously appreciative of and affectionate toward each other, the folks who make up Focus Canada are a terrific group.

During Friday’s ribbon cutting ceremony, a private banquet that evening and then during Saturday’s open house, I met some wonderful friends of the ministry. There were some folks who flew across the country to participate in the events. One family we greeted drove 10 hours to the Vancouver area. A woman I met said she made a four hour drive to join the festivities. Along the way there were many similar reminders of the doors God has opened for Focus to speak into the lives of men and women, boys and girls.

Why do folks feel such a connection to Focus? I believe it is God’s doing, a response to our prayers that He use our efforts in significant ways. We ask Him often to touch lives through what we do.

Every day we hear reports and stories about just that – ways in which Focus has been used by God to make a lasting impact on someone.Here’s a particularly poignant account of a life changed:

“I am one of Focus on the Family’s silent supporters. I’m silent in the sense that you don’t know that I’m here, but I am. I first heard your program on the radio when I was an eighteen-year-old runaway. Your broadcast, and others like it, helped me to return to my faith and family. I am now reconciled with my family (which I thank God came about before my father’s sudden death), happily married, and expecting our first child. Your wisdom and guidance have been invaluable to me over the years. As I have struggled to reestablish my faith, you have provided a refreshing guide to ‘practical’ Christianity that I have desperately needed.”

If God has used Focus in YOUR life, would you please let us know? Make a comment below. Visit our Facebook page and leave a story (or at the least, “Like” us). Call us (800-232-6459). Or drop a note to Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995. (if you are in Canada, our contact info is here).

Finally, as this is really a spiritual effort, would you please pray with us? We have specific ways you can pray for Focus on the Family here.

Thanks again to the talented, hard-working staff in our Canada office, to the many who participated in the events last week, and most of all, to God for His on-going goodness and work.

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