Attack of the iPods

Last week, in two separate packages, the delivery truck dropped off two new iPods at our home. The beautiful little (really little!) pieces of technology magic are already the pride of their new owners, two of my teen daughters. So now all three of our girls have “portable music devices” with white ear buds that will be a constant companion, a friend when they are lonely, and also a source of entertainment and distraction.

My wife isn’t the happiest about iPods and the music they hold. I understand her concerns. After all, what music is on those things, and what kinds of messages are our daughters hearing time and time again?

I’ve been a little more lax on the matter, probably because when I was about 13 I started discovering pop and rock music (I wasn’t yet a follower of Christ, so “Christian” music wasn’t part of my record collection) – and it quickly became a permanent part of my world. The teen years aren’t exactly easy. Music soothed a hurting soul, was a common denominator among friends, was even motivational and inspirational. Mostly, though, I found music gave voice to my turbulent emotions – it said things I couldn’t quite express. It still does to this day. I love how music paints pictures, moves my heart and causes me to think.

Probably because it meant so much to me all those years ago, I understand the power of music in my daughters’ lives. Dena and I are on the same page as to having some limits on what they listen to. We have general house guidelines and rules about “screen time” and music listening for our children. We try to model good consumption patterns. We talk through the impact of lyrics and lifestyles of the artists. We rely on Focus on the Family’s Plugged In media reviews for reliable information about the trends and popular groups.

The older they are, the less restrictive we are. I want my kids to “learn to discern” and offer them growing amounts of trust with regard to their choices. Helping them process the “why” behind my affirmations and objections is a pretty important part of the process. Still, I’ll admit that I’m not always on top of their playlists and “most listened to” music. So perhaps this post is more for me than for you.

With that context, then, a few questions. How do you handle your child’s media consumption? Do you allow unrestricted access to electronic devices like phones and iPods? Do you have safeguards in place to ensure your younger kids are protected from crude lyrics and content? What is the most challenging parenting problem you deal with when it comes to your kids and media?

 

Did You See It?

The unexpected “John 3:16″ commercial aired by Focus on the Family on CBS last Saturday during the Broncos-Patriots game certainly generated some buzz.

Amidst the talk show conversations, the increased traffic to the Focus website, and the many online articles about the ad – and Focus on the Family – as Focus president Jim Daly noted on his blog, some numbers are more important than others:

What touched us most, though, was this simple tweet from a man watching the game with his family: “Both my sons just saw your commercial and gave their lives to Christ as a result. Thank you. #John316″

You may think of Focus on the Family first and foremost as helping couples strengthen their marriages, raise happy, healthy children and engage the culture with biblical truth. Those are all important priorities for us, to be sure, and we’re humbled and honored by the opportunities the Lord has given us for 35 years to help families thrive in these areas. But our overriding aim, as a Christian ministry, is to share the Gospel of Christ. Offering family advice is not enough. To make a real, everlasting difference, we have to introduce people to the Author of family.

We’re grateful for all the media exposure created by the spot, the many Google searches for Focus on the Family, and even the tens of thousands of people world-wide who looked up the Bible verse as highlighted by the commercial. But most important, we’re thankful that God was pleased to use His word, as so beautifully expressed by those lovely children, to bring someone into a new relationship with Him.

 

Your Kid Needs A Cell Phone

Having lunch with a friend the other day, we came across a problem common to many parents. Cell phones. More specifically, kids and cell phones.

“He wants a smart phone. But I’m not sure I want him watching movies unsupervised. And I certainly don’t want him playing games online.”

“I understand those concerns,” I replied.

“Well, we also have to figure out how to deal with the texting minutes. He routinely goes way past the allowable texts every month.”

“Why not let HIM bear the cost of the plan? I think he’ll see that it is too expensive for him to have a smart phone.”

“And,” I continued,

“Why even pay for him to have a phone at all?”

His response was expected, and I can’t really argue with the reason.

“His mother and I think it is a good thing for him to have a phone, especially if we want to reach him.”

Bottom line: How do you handle your teen’s request for a phone? For a smart phone?

On this I am surely in the minority. Of our six children, only two have their own cell phone. And they are adults paying the entire cost of the phone and plan. My 17 year-old wants a phone, but “no dice.” Our 16 year-old would surely love a phone. But we aren’t acquiescing.

“All your friends have phones. Just ask to use one of theirs if you need to call us.”

That’s my wife’s response to a teen’s”need” to have a cell phone.  And I think it is appropriate. Well, appropriate, at least, to suggest that if my kids want a phone they can…buy one.

“And give me a number or two of folks you’ll be with. Write it on the kitchen white board, please.”

That’s my request as one of our daughters leaves the house. If I need to reach her, I should be able to do so through a friend’s cell phone.

Now, to be clear, I don’t have any argument with a parent who has reasons for providing their teen with a phone.  I’m just too cheap to do that! And, I’d prefer to avoid an early dependence on technology like phones – which lead to other things (like texting, movies and games).

So, I’m pretty much a grump about cell phones for kids. Summing up our family rules:

I am not alone in this. Here’s an article from the Wall Street Journal capturing a similar perspective from another parent. Liz Moyer writes,

My girls are both responsible, reliable kids who wouldn’t lose their phones (they haven’t misplaced so much as a mitten since kindergarten) and wouldn’t use them at inappropriate times like during school (too afraid of getting in trouble). But I’m going to take the un-cool route and say no to the phone, at least for now. I’d like the girls to have a few more years of talking to their friends and building relationships the old-fashioned way.

Have to hand it to Liz: The unpopular route is definitely the way to go on this.

So, about teens and ‘tweens and phones: What do you think? Does your kid really need a cell phone?

“Glory,” Michael W. Smith’s New Release

I’m listening right now to a review copy of Michael W. Smith’s new instrumental album, “Glory.” It is a beautiful mix of reflection, inspiration and calm.

There are a number of tracks that seem to be right from a film score (Forever, Glory Battle). Others stand alone as songs that seem to be borne out of a quiet moment the composer enjoyed with God (Joy Follows Suffering, The Blessing). The final track is one you likely already know, “Agnus Dei,” with a refreshing new take on the melody.

I’m pretty sure I’ll be hearing this a lot in the days ahead. Every morning my wife spends her devotional time curled up, Bible, journal and cup of tea in hand. She also has some meditative instrumental music playing softly in the room. “Glory” is going to be a most welcome addition to her collection – one that is certainly going to be a favorite in our home, enjoyed when we need to refresh, retreat and reflect.

Pre-order “Glory” here.

 

Parents: Show Up

I had to read the letter published in the paper a second time. Had I gotten that right?

Really?

“Dear Abby: I am a 12 year-old girl who is dating a senior boy in high school. One night, we went to a party and then back to his place. His parents and sister were out of town, and he was really drunk. As soon as we got to his house, he started drinking again. That led to a big fight. I was literally walking out the door when he grabbed me and told me if I ever leave him, he’ll hunt me down and kill me!” Scared in NC

I have a 12 year-old daughter. I cannot fathom allowing her to be dating, let alone handing her off to some 17 or 18 year-old guy. I hoped Abby’s reply would reflect a bit of my anger…and it did just that.

“Dear Scared, Tell your parents or guardian about the young man’s threat. You are too young to deal with this yourself and to be dating a boy that much older than you. He clearly has problems and not enough supervision – and the same is true of you.”

That’s a disturbing letter, and while it was in the newspaper back a few years ago, it reflects a trend in parenting that I find appalling. Maybe we should call it “not showing up” parenting.

What in the world are that poor girl’s parents thinking? Why in the world would they let her “date” a guy five or six years older than her? Why is she even dating at age 12? What’s going on?

We live in a world in which parents are disengaged and hands-off. We live in a world in which kids have more freedoms – and face more dangerous influences – than ever before. We live in a world in which cultural pressures abound, influencing our parenting decisions and necessarily influencing the kinds of adults our children will become.

My friend, Janet Parshall, speaking to a crowd of concerned parents, said that their clear responsibility – a mandate from God – is to train their children. In essence, she said:

If you don’t work to pass along your values to your children, the culture will!

There’s a lot of truth in Janet’s clarion call to latch onto and own the responsibility to raise our kids with intentionality. As parents we MUST be active – relentless, really – in the spiritual training of our children.

We are responsible to pass along a passion for God to our children, and we are to be intentional about that process, as Deuteronomy 6: 6-7 clearly indicates:

“These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

Impress.

Talk.

Walk.

Lie down, get up.

Note that there are a lot of verbs in these two verses.

This is action-oriented stuff. This isn’t an optional, work-it-into-your-busy-schedule-if-you-can suggestion. This isn’t a call to be a passive parent. Instead, it is a charge to have an on going, continual, interaction with your child about your God.

What are you doing – today – to ensure that your kids are going to have a constant exposure to your faith, and to learn about God? What’s one thing you can do this very day to make sure that your values are being communicated to – and grabbed onto by – your child?

As a parent, are you going to show up today?

Top Five…Movies

Alright, so a Top Five list isn’t as common as a Top Ten list. I know that. But hey, I’m busy, you’re busy. And I really don’t see that many films.

Of the movies I saw this past year, though, the following stood out for one or more qualities: entertainment, inspiration, thoughtfulness, artistic expression, or any combination thereof.

  1. Temple Grandin – this exceptional film is an insightful look at the world of autism, based on the real-life, miracle story of a PhD in Colorado. As a parent of a boy with autism, I can’t watch this without tearing up. And hoping for a miracle in our son.
  2. Hurt Locker – a fascinating, rather scary step into the world of the U.S. military. Riveting and at times repulsive, but with heart and a respect for those in our armed forces.I came away with a deeper appreciation for the terrors of war, the bravery of our men and women, and the impact of PTSD on soldiers and their families.
  3. Saving Private Ryan – I hadn’t seen this film until a few months ago. Wow! This seems to have captured the chaos and honor of WWII, at least that of this small company of dedicated soldiers.
  4. Australia – okay, this was a ladies flick, but I could watch and enjoy it with my wife. It has action, story, humor, great cinematography – and ties to real life. Nicely done (except for one sexual scene – which could have been deleted).
  5. Toy Story 3 – alright, another film I could have avoided, but am I glad we took the family to see this one! What a great film, perfectly executed.

There were a number of other worthy contenders, but these five were the tops in 2010.

Odyssey Touching Lives

Great comments affirming the decision many years ago to make a dramatic audio series for kids:

I want to thank you for creating Adventures in Odyssey.  As a kid, the program reinforced the lessons my parents taught me.  We didn’t have a television in our house, so naturally I spent more time listening to the radio than most of my peers.  Whit and the gang made the Bible exciting for me and taught me that you don’t have to be an adult to be a Christian.

Now, as a 20-year-old college student, I still enjoy AIO greatly and listen to it whenever I can.  Many of the things I know about the Bible, and living the Christian life, I first learned from AIO.  I even learned some words that helped me out in my first year of Biblical Hebrew!  The show is wonderful – keep up the good work.

I wonder if YOU have an “Odyssey story” to share?

Do We Really Need This?

Internet in the bathroom – via a high-tech mirror? Can’t we escape the web somewhere…somehow?

WIR, 10-1-2010

Top tweets for the past week:

Helping Families Thrive

I thought you’d find this note encouraging. These kind words are reflective of what many have felt about Focus on the Family over the years:

“I am at a loss for words to adequately express how much it means to my husband and me to know that there is an organization like Focus that is rooting for us.  Just today I was reading Psalm 37 and thinking about how your ministry provides ways to ‘dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.’  We have two teenagers and an 8-year-old in our household.  Adventures in Odyssey got us through the grade school years, but now our adolescents’ faith is being tested by all the entertainment options that the world offers.  Plugged In Online has become a significant compass for our family.  All three of our kids are dedicated to their walk with Christ but they still encounter challenges.  Thanks for all of your research and persistence in helping us navigate through stormy waters.”

This is exactly what we’re about: coming alongside and helping families thrive. It’s a privilege to be part of what our heavenly Father is doing at and through Focus on the Family. If you have a story, let us know, please. All to the glory of God!

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