Reflections

Beautiful view - and time to think - at 12,000 feet on top of Bowers Peak in Seguache County, Colorado.

Where’ve you been?

In the past month I’ve been to Delaware, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Maryland, Washington DC, and Dallas, Texas. I had a few days at home to recover and prep between several of those trips, although during one particularly busy season I was home for only 12 hours before heading again to the airport. I kept a suitcase at-the-ready for the past several weeks!

I’m grateful for God’s grace while gone so much: For safety and patience in traveling, for keeping me healthy despite all the airplanes and running, productive meetings and conversations, and that my wife and children somehow survived the grueling schedule and my absence.

In the midst of that hectic pace, I did have quiet moments for reflection and prayer. I thought about life, relationships, priorities. I prayed for my family, co-workers, friends and for myself, too. Most of that quieter time took place far, far away from airports and hotels.

Just a week ago Saturday my second son, Seth (that’s him in the picture) enjoyed some peace and refreshment in a spectacular setting. Along with some friends, we had gotten up at 4:30 or so to hike to the top of Bowers Peak, a mountain surrounded by tremendous expanses and scenery. As we watched three moose in a meadow below us, the sun came up and we sat quietly for almost an hour, not really speaking, just drinking in the glorious beauty of God’s creation. It was a special shared moment, one I won’t soon forget.

It is good to be still. I don’t stop long enough, usually, to listen to the sounds of the wind and wildlife. To absorb the sunshine and enjoy its warmth and brightness. To feel my fingers get a bit numb from the cold and to thank God for the way He designed our bodies – and for warm gloves. To be away from electronics and the distractions of calendars and email.

Somehow last week we slowed down enough to be be still and to know that He is God. And it was very, very good to do so.

As we leave autumn behind and head into the busy Thanksgiving and then Christmas seasons, I’m going to do everything I can to make sure I capture some of the same “down time” we experienced in the mountains. I think it makes me a better husband, father and man. In fact, I’ve already penciled in a few days of out-of-office time so I can keep the right perspective on life.

Let me encourage you to do likewise.

Sleepless Kids

We had finally had enough. The “Little Man” was waking up often. Consistently. And it wasn’t pretty.

All dressed up and nowhere to go...

When he was three years old, Zane finally went up to Denver for an overnight sleep study. We had hit the wall, having his sleep – and ours – interrupted so frequently. Poor guy – he’d wake up at all hours and…play in his room. Or come into ours. Or cry out seemingly in great pain. The reasons were many, the explanations were not satisfactory.

We tried good bedtime routines. We had him on a sleep aid – such a young age for meds like that! Still, he woke up most nights.  It was easy to tell that the sleeplessness was catching up to him. Cranky. Irritable.

And the toll on us was pretty significant, too.

Have you been there with a child?  Sleepless kids can be a real challenge in many different ways. I was reminded about how common this problem is when I read an observation by one deprived parent, Emily Peck:

Look, I’m no sleep genius. I zombie-walked through much of the past week because my 3-year-old suddenly decided that 2 a.m. was a good time for some one-on-one with mom. Still, this week we’re back on track.

What’s worked: Consistently walking my son back to his room no matter how much he protests. It’s not a quick fix and my sleep definitely suffered. Moreover, I’m sure the problem’s not permanently solved. He’ll probably be waking me up in the middle of the night, well, forever. I imagine that when he’s older, I’ll sleep with one eye open, just waiting for him to come home at night.

I’m glad for Emily and her family that her son did find a good sleep routine. Sometimes a parent can help immensely with getting there. Other times, external help in the form of medications and even a sleep study are the route to go.

And so we scheduled the overnight appointment. We made the drive north, arrived early evening, and he got hooked to dozens of wires. Then we sat around while he tried to sleep in a new environment with the wires, hallway lights, and interruptions.

Insurance covered most of the cost of our little overnight science adventure. Good thing, too…because the final report was,

Zane is not getting enough R.E.M. sleep.

That was it? Well, sorry guys, but I KNEW that. Unfortunately, we were left with the same kind of options that we had been chasing prior to this expensive sleep study.

The good news is that Zane eventually did get into some good sleep patterns. Now eight, he usually is asleep by 8:30 or 9 every night, and doesn’t awaken most mornings until 6:45 or 7 a.m.

Now, however, I’m not sleeping like I need to, and I’m not really sure why.

I AM sure, though, that I’m not going to Denver anytime soon for a sleep study.

If you’ve had a sleepless child, what did you do about it?

 

A Rich Twenty

A favorite memory from our final days in Tyler. My oldest child, age three at the time, walking with my niece.

In late July 1991, I was pondering a job change. I was happy with managing two Christian radio stations in Texas. Our circumstances were close to ideal. We lived two blocks from my wife’s sister and her family. One set of grandparents—we had one child at the time—lived only twenty minutes away. We belonged to a good church, had some wonderful friends, and loved our neighborhood.

To accept the new job would mean moving to Colorado and leaving all we had known as a young family. There’d be some tears if we took on the challenge of a new job in a new city and state.

That was a lot of upheaval to consider.

As a complicating factor, we were expecting at any time the birth of a second child.

Weighing the opportunity, we sought counsel from trusted friends. After considerable prayer and thought, we decided to go for it.

Within hours of making the decision, Dena went into labor. In fact, Seth was born just eight hours after I called to accept the offer to join the Focus on the Family broadcast team. Six weeks later, I was in Colorado starting the new job.

And today, September 13, marks my 20th anniversary with the organization. The time has flown!

I’m so grateful for the opportunity to work at Focus, and haven’t regretted the tumultuous move we made to be here in Colorado. I thank God for the many great things that I’ve experienced these past two decades!  Of course, I thank my wife Dena for faithfully supporting and praying for me through these years. I’ll also offer a public thank you to the many who have helped me grow and serve more effectively at Focus. I’ve served under some superb leaders!

Now, let me get a tissue to wipe my eyes…

NOTE: The above thoughts are adapted from the last chapter (“Blink!”) of my book, First Time Dad, The Stuff You Really Need To Know. Download the first chapter, and find additional material, from the links to the right side of this blog. It is available in paperback and e-reader formats, and I’ll have an audio book out soon, as well.

And, as I consider the past 20 years at Focus, five quick reflections:

  1. There have been lots of hellos and goodbyes. Staff, guests, friends in the business. Transitions are part of life, aren’t they?
  2. I’m surrounded by truly amazing people. My co-workers have heart, depth, commitment, passion, business savvy, wisdom, talent, and a love for Christ that are really inspiring!
  3. God has shown Focus on the Family incredible favor, with outstanding open doors, audiences, partnerships and impact. Literally thousands of lives are changed through Focus on the Family every year.
  4. My favorite times include our in-studio conversations with guests, and meeting friends (and partners) of the ministry. There are so many terrific people who have a desire to help families!
  5. The most gratifying aspect of my work over the years has been the opportunity to share the Good News with folks, knowing God is reaping an eternal harvest through us. I am humbled to know He sends our radio programming around the world, and that many broadcasts have helped individuals better understand His grace and mercy in Christ. Awesome!

Connecting With Focus

“Why am I here? Because Focus on the Family has been part of my life for the past 20 years. You’ve helped me in my marriage and in raising my kids. I’m grateful for all Focus has done, and it just seemed like I had to be here today!”

It is something we hear frequently. Focus on the Family is indeed a special ministry, and God has enabled us to really connect with people in many deep ways. That comment was from a woman I met while in Vancouver, BC last weekend for the dedication of a new headquarters for Focus on the Family Canada.

The new building – paid for at move-in! – is phenomenal in every way, but as I told FOF Canada president Terence Rolston, what really makes the place special is the staff. Energetic, enthusiastic, dedicated to the mission and obviously appreciative of and affectionate toward each other, the folks who make up Focus Canada are a terrific group.

During Friday’s ribbon cutting ceremony, a private banquet that evening and then during Saturday’s open house, I met some wonderful friends of the ministry. There were some folks who flew across the country to participate in the events. One family we greeted drove 10 hours to the Vancouver area. A woman I met said she made a four hour drive to join the festivities. Along the way there were many similar reminders of the doors God has opened for Focus to speak into the lives of men and women, boys and girls.

Why do folks feel such a connection to Focus? I believe it is God’s doing, a response to our prayers that He use our efforts in significant ways. We ask Him often to touch lives through what we do.

Every day we hear reports and stories about just that – ways in which Focus has been used by God to make a lasting impact on someone.Here’s a particularly poignant account of a life changed:

“I am one of Focus on the Family’s silent supporters. I’m silent in the sense that you don’t know that I’m here, but I am. I first heard your program on the radio when I was an eighteen-year-old runaway. Your broadcast, and others like it, helped me to return to my faith and family. I am now reconciled with my family (which I thank God came about before my father’s sudden death), happily married, and expecting our first child. Your wisdom and guidance have been invaluable to me over the years. As I have struggled to reestablish my faith, you have provided a refreshing guide to ‘practical’ Christianity that I have desperately needed.”

If God has used Focus in YOUR life, would you please let us know? Make a comment below. Visit our Facebook page and leave a story (or at the least, “Like” us). Call us (800-232-6459). Or drop a note to Focus on the Family, Colorado Springs, CO 80995. (if you are in Canada, our contact info is here).

Finally, as this is really a spiritual effort, would you please pray with us? We have specific ways you can pray for Focus on the Family here.

Thanks again to the talented, hard-working staff in our Canada office, to the many who participated in the events last week, and most of all, to God for His on-going goodness and work.

Dad, Remember The Days

I recently had the privilege of being a guest on the Focus on the Family radio program, talking about my book, First Time Dad: The Stuff You Really Need To Know. In the book I’ve tried to offer new fathers an optimistic, and realistic, look at expectations about parenting.

As I’ve reflected on my fatherhood journey, there are many wonderful memories. I was asked to pull together some photographs capturing a few of my favorite moments. Here are just a few…I’ve got so many times with our kids etched upon my mind. And if you stop by, lots of them are posted on my office wall, too!

Looking back over the years, wondering how in the world our  two oldest boys are are now adults out in the workforce, I can only say. “Dad, remember the days. Drink them in…because they go by mighty quickly. Maximize the times you spend with those kids God has blessed you with, and make it your goal to become their best friend.”

Now, someone grab a tissue for me?

A proud first time dad! Here’s John with Dakota, in 1990. Time has sped by quickly - he graduates from college next month!

In 1991 John and Dena welcomed Seth into the family. What a fine young man!

Wonderful memories of fishing at Rainbow Falls with the boys in celebration of Seth’s 4th birthday. These moments don’t just happen – it takes some work and planning to make special times happen.

Our kids have always enjoyed the water. And we’ve had lots of trips to various campgrounds. Here are the three oldest “cooling their heels” in Jenny Lake, Teton National Park in 1995. One of my favorite pictures!

Integrity

“Outside of Steve Jobs at Apple, it’s hard to imagine a CEO that is more important to his company than Mark Hurd to Hewlett-Packard. He did a massive turnaround job.”

That’s how Rick Munarriz, a Motley Fool analyst, described the leadership of the now-fallen Hurd, who resigned Friday following a probe into a sexual-harassment claim against him made by a former HP contractor. Those allegations included a charge that Hurd had approved false reimbursement submissions by the woman.

While he evidently didn’t violate the company’s sexual-harassment policy, Hurd “demonstrated a profound lack of judgment that seriously undermined his credibility and damaged his effectiveness in leading HP,” according to General Counsel Michael Holston.

I’m not going to sit in judgment of Mr. Hurd, who is guilty of, at the least, making some poor choices.  As a result of the revelations, he has made some sort of settlement with the former contractor. He has lost his job. And stockholders are losing money as HP shares are dropping in value.

I’m sure Hurd regrets what has happened.  He’ll remember this indiscretion for the rest of his life. He doesn’t need me to heap any guilt on him. Instead, I’m letting this news story be a reminder that today I’m capable of poor choices. I need to live with wisdom, avoiding impropriety. I have to keep my life in line with my values and words. I need to demonstrate integrity in all things. I can’t have any holes in my life.

“Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.” That’s a quote attributed to C.S. Lewis, and I think that’s a pretty good thing to keep in mind as I go about my activities. Especially when no one is looking.

Related to this subject: Authenticity. More on that at a later date, but for now, consider this radio interview for a relevant, biblical perspective on living life consistently, in all ways.

Post-Vacation Re-Entry

I’ve been traveling most of the past three weeks, a combination of business and travel trips. Last week was time away in the mountains with my wife and our four youngest kids. Today, as I re-enter the “normal world” of active children and engaging work, I’m reflecting…

John and Zane enjoyed fishing for trout.

Zane and I enjoyed fishing for trout in Western Colorado last week. No bites, but still fun time together!

If you have a minute, read Focus President Jim Daly blog post about his family’s time last week at K-Kauai Family Kamp.  And listen in here to a conversation I had with two gentlemen who are deeply committed to helping families through Christian camping (its one of the last segments of the show).

Also, if you’ve been on a family vacation this summer, I’d like to hear about your experiences.

Thanks – and Prayers

Here’s a comment that encouraged all of us here at Focus. It also inspired me personally to persevere in prayer for those in our armed forces.

“I’m an infantry officer in the United States Marine Corps and spent eight months in Iraq.  I want to express my sincere appreciation to Focus on the Family.  The daily prayers and support of millions of Americans kept my Marines and me alive and delivered us home to our loved ones.  Having been an avid supporter of your ministry for many years, I continue to applaud your efforts to defend the family and promote the Christian principles that have made this country the greatest nation on earth.  May God bless you all – Semper Fidelis.”
Also, listen in to this honest conversation about the stresses that military families have to deal with. If you haven’t done so today, take a moment to ask God’s protection and favor on those serving our country. And pray again for them.

More Peru Photos

More photos from our family’s service trip, during which we spent several days at an orphanage in Ayacucho, Peru.

It was a wonderful time and God was very gracious to us as we traveled and during the outreach.

We experienced great joy as we tried to live out the admonition in James 1:27, but I can’t help but feel we can – and must – do so much more for these “fatherless” children.

Our daughter Saige with some new friends at the orphanage.

A rural village in the midst of farming country

A rural village in the midst of farming country

We were drawn to children – everywhere we went, we found kids to smile at, play with and shower with love
Work team helped plant fruit trees - future food and revenue source

Work team helped plant fruit trees - future food and revenue source. I'm on the left, and the two tall guys in the back row are my boys.

Family Trip To Peru

For many years we’ve wanted to take our family on a missions trip, learning and serving together. And finally, it happened! We celebrated Christmas in a memorable way, as we visited Ayacucho, Peru and volunteered at an orphanage.

The orphanage is operated by a local church, and we served with their U.S. partner, Vision Trust, an agency whose mission is to develop orphaned and neglected children into mature Christians equipped to live in their own culture. They do this by enabling Christian nationals to meet the physical, educational, emotional and spiritual needs of these children.

Together with two other families, we showed kindness and Christ’s love to the 38 orphans at Casa Luz. We also worked a bit on some land the orphanage is developing.

We are so thankful God worked through us to touch the lives of the children we met! Also, that He gave us safe and relatively smooth journeys.

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