One Flesh, But Two Beds?

A number of things popped into my mind as I read an article in the Wall Street Journal about how couples share – or don’t share – the bed. Excerpt:

Bedroom bickering goes beyond sex and snoring. Couples argue about everything from what time to turn out the lights to who hogs the covers. Should you keep the window open or closed? Watch TV while your partner sleeps? Let the kids climb into bed with you when they’re scared? It’s a wonder anyone gets any shut-eye at all.

Reactions: Been there, done that. While true for Dena and me, this has been especially when our children were younger.

Despite feeling like we’re the only ones with these struggles, our different sleep needs and cycles seem pretty pretty common. I need 7 hours, she needs 9 hours. I’m an early riser, she’s not. She sleeps soundly in second half of the night, I sleep better during the first hours.

For years I would say goodnight to Dena around 9, then stay up another couple of hours. I just wasn’t ready for shut-eye at 9 p.m. The next morning, I’d be up and at ‘em an hour or two before her. Not a big deal, but it did take some adjusting. Conversations at night didn’t work, and I’d be in the hurry-get-to-work rush in the mornings. We had to work at making some time for good talks.We had to learn when we could have that casual time couples need to keep close.

Lately, we’ve been on a more compatible schedule. She often gets up before me, but still crashes around 9-9:30. I am often staying up past that. So while we’ve not had big conflicts over sleep, over the years we’ve had some…”learning opportunities.”

I also thought about Dr. Arch Hart, whose book about sleep has influenced our family. What a challenging resource! Here’s a conversation we had with Dr. Hart, in which he suggested that some couples might even consider having two beds – to avoid those sleep issues and to get some good, consistent sleep.

How about you? Have you had any sleep differences, or bedtime problems – like cover hogging – that have needed solutions?

Thanks – and Prayers

Here’s a comment that encouraged all of us here at Focus. It also inspired me personally to persevere in prayer for those in our armed forces.

“I’m an infantry officer in the United States Marine Corps and spent eight months in Iraq.  I want to express my sincere appreciation to Focus on the Family.  The daily prayers and support of millions of Americans kept my Marines and me alive and delivered us home to our loved ones.  Having been an avid supporter of your ministry for many years, I continue to applaud your efforts to defend the family and promote the Christian principles that have made this country the greatest nation on earth.  May God bless you all – Semper Fidelis.”
Also, listen in to this honest conversation about the stresses that military families have to deal with. If you haven’t done so today, take a moment to ask God’s protection and favor on those serving our country. And pray again for them.

Guy Getaways

As I walked back toward my desk I heard two co-workers talking.

“You going?”

“Yup.”

“Alright, I’ll get the tickets.”

When they saw me, one of them asked, “Do you want to come?”

“I’d love to go, but the timing won’t work. Can I take a rain check?”

They are planning on going up to Denver to see a Colorado Rockies baseball game.I didn’t ask, but it seemed to be a guys-only time.

And, as I write this, another co-worker is off on a two-day motorcycle jaunt. Seven or eight guys, roaring down the road, enjoying quality “guy time.”

I’ll admit I’m a bit envious. Things at work and home right now are just too busy for such a getaway. But why does the appeal of heading off for a night or two with some friends sound so appealing? What is it about the “guys-only getaway” that resonates so much with so many men?

It seems that men are quite often “pack animals,” bound together through common circumstances and activities. We gravitate toward “doing stuff” together in such a way that we have some space for decompression and some honest conversations. We don’t usually get together for tea, nor are we drawn toward formal events for such sharing. No, we look for the fishing trip, the baseball game, going to the races, or for me, the annual hunting trip with “the guys.”

Personally, I really enjoy “guy time” away from routine work and family responsibilities. It usually brings about some good, refreshing change-of-pace thinking. It is renewing. And the opportunity to share adrenaline as we hike the woods is something that, as a man, I anticipate and enjoy. There’s also a quality to my thought-life that results from spending time traveling and having a little space. I usually come home from such trips recharged and with renewed energy.

The masculine soul needs the wild, the adventurous, the shared male experience.  Recently the Wall Street Journal had a blog entry about this subject of male getaways. I thought it was pretty interesting – and rather accurate.

Now, I think I’ll run this thought past my wife. I’m pretty sure she’s going to agree that these male bonding times bring some benefit to our relationship. And I know she favors my hunting activities – especially if that helps fill the deep freeze and cut down on our food bills.

Welcome To Colorado, Tim Tebow!

There’s been a lot of surprise at the Denver Broncos‘ choice of Tim Tebow in the first round of last night’s NFL draft. From what I’ve seen, many fans are excited about the addition of this promising talent, especially given his work ethic and his personal faith.

In light of his pending move to Colorado, I’ll offer the following suggestions to Mr. Tebow, hoping that he’ll make the transition to our state as well as possible.

Those are some initial suggestions to help with Tim’s move – or maybe yours? – to Colorado. Maybe you have additional thoughts…leave a comment.

UPDATE: See Jim Daly’s blog for his post welcoming Tim to Denver.

UPDATE: I should have congratulated OU’s Sam Bradford for his selection as the number one overall draft pick! Great to see the Rams’ confidence in his future. Also, congrats to Texas QB Colt McCoy on his new home in Cleveland (and you are still wearing orange! Go ‘Horns!). Two outstanding young men who have strong testimonies about their faith. Click their names to see why they are really “second,” despite their draft status.

NFL Draft and Tim Tebow

Alright, I’m not a big follower of the NFL draft. While I do read about the prospects and picks, I don’t make projections, I don’t count down the days until the draft and I don’t skip work to watch the drama unfold on television. But since Focus and Tim Tebow worked so closely on that Super Bowl ad, I decided today to see what the press is saying about the gifted quarterback.

Of the articles I read, this one stood out. It speaks highly of Tim’s work ethic and desire to excel. I thought it reflected well on Tim, his parents, and the God who gave Tim the tools to be a football player.

So I guess I WILL watch the draft, with all its drama, if only to see what doors God opens for Tim.

BTW, Focus President Jim Daly has a post here about Tim Tebow and his principles.

Teen Drinking Leads To Disease

Parents, here’s new research to share with your child, showing that drinking by teen girls can lead to “benign breast disease or noncancerous lumps, bumps or cysts in the breast.”

One expert cited in the article said,

“The habits that you develop as an adolescent are likely to turn into lifelong habits, and we know that drinking in adult women is a risk factor for breast cancer.”

Food for thought, and something I’ll be sharing with my own kids.

Good Friday Reflections

You’re a busy person. You have lots on your plate. And you are moving in the fast lane, so fast that you’re speeding toward Easter. You’re looking forward to celebrating the resurrection.

You need to stop. In this world, we want to avoid suffering. We skim through the news and utter short “Lord, keep me safe” prayers. Even during this very spiritual season, we don’t take the time to stop, really consider the Cross, and thank our Lord for His supreme sacrifice.

So we – you and I – probably need to slow down, and ponder, reflect, meditate upon the One who suffered for us. For me.

Here’s a powerful recollection, by a truly gifted communicator, about the reason for Christ’s suffering.

And if you yourself are suffering through the loss of someone close, or an unexpected trial at work, or maybe a relational conflict that is consuming all your time and energy…listen in. You’ll hear some compelling thoughts about how God redeems suffering.

Two Weeks Of Grace

Grace…it was two weeks of pure grace in our lives. About 18 years ago our little (at the time) family endured quite a few mishaps and no small amount of misfortune. During that time, we experienced God’s grace in some amazing ways. The year was 1992, and my journal entries reveal the saga:

o Tues – Dakota (3 years old at the time) fell off the playground equipment at Portal Park, hitting his head on a concrete culvert intended for kids to crawl through. He was taken to an emergency care facility and x-rays showed minimal swelling. Pretty scary for his parents, though!

o Wed – Dakota now has a virus, with a high fever

o Thurs – Dakota still has that virus

o Fri – Seth, 5 months old, has the virus now, and slept little last night

o Sat – Seth has a fever, almost 104 degrees. While at the pharmacy for his medicine, I started feeling poorly.

o Sun (Super Bowl) – I’ve got the virus and stay in bed, Dakota feeling weak. Dena is SuperMom.

o Mon – Dena has the virus, and with little sick time accrued, I go in late. She hangs on through the day.

o Tues – Dena a bit better, but now has an infection.

o Wed – Dena’s infection intensifies.

o Thurs – Today we avoid disaster, and maybe this season of physical ailments is over?

o Fri – All quiet. We are hopeful for an uneventful weekend.

o Sat – Nice day, we go to Garden of the Gods city park for some sunny relaxation. Dena’s first time out of the house in a week!

o Sun – Five minutes before leaving for church, Dena is frantic. “He swallowed it! He swallowed it!” I try to calm her down as she searches around the bed for…a hair barrett. No trace of the 3½ inch hair clip, and so we call the pediatrician. The pediatrician suggests an x-ray, so we head to the hospital. The x-rays show that he did indeed swallow the thing, and we wait almost four hours for a surgeon and team to extract the clip. We are on the phone to Texas friends and family, feeling anxious. Greg and Tami, local friends, “happen” to be touring the hospital for the upcoming birth of their second child — and when I hear Greg’s voice I felt as though God were sending me a tangible reminder of His love and sovereignty. Co-workers Steve and LuAnne come by with sandwiches – quite welcome since we had skipped lunch. Seth became a bit of a local celebrity as we waited for surgery – “there’s the little boy who swallowed a hair barrett!” What could have been a tragic incident turned out to be an easy problem for God to care for. Seth made it with no problems through surgery and recovery! We head home 12 hours after we arrived at the hospital. Within a few days, we were surrounded with love. Our friends Fred and Cynthia sent $100 for “medical bills.” We received encouraging long distance calls from other folks. We were deeply touched by the kindness and generosity of so many.

Looking back, I am almost moved to tears as I recall the trials and difficulties! What a time for our family! We endured much, and probably aged a few years just in that two week’s time.  With no other choice, really, we relied on God’s abundant grace through it all. And we never doubted His care for us and His ability to show Himself, even in our weaknesses.

All of that brings to mind the verse, 2 Corinthians 12:9, in which God assures us that it is in our weaknesses that He delights to show Himself:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

I’m so glad for the way God showed us the truth of that verse, even though it was a hard lesson to grab onto. These days, when we hit a rough stretch in life, we look back and know – beyond a shadow of a doubt – that He is able, and willing, and caring…especially when we are unable and weak.

By the way, I still have the hair barrett. And Seth still has his “dime slot” scar just above his belly button. A couple of tangible reminders of the two weeks of grace.

Parenthood and Autism

I just read a blog post about the new NBC television series, Parenthood. The writer deals specifically with one of the show’s story lines, about one couple who learn their child has Aspergers, a condition that is one of many Autistic Spectrum Disorders (ASD). While I’ve not seen the show, evidently its portrayal of the condition and its effects on a family is rather accurate and very compelling.

As the father of a boy with autism, I’m intrigued. I know firsthand about the difficulties and challenges of parenting such a child, and also about the stress that journey can have on a marriage. So I’d like to know more: I wonder if you saw the television program and have any reaction? Let me know.

And if you need some starting points to learn more about ASD, Focus on the Family has some links here, and I’d also (humbly) suggest this audio conversation I had with Bob West, founder of Need Project, about my family’s situation.

Rebecca St. James Supports Super Bowl Ad

Rebecca St. James released a statement about the Focus on the Family Super Bowl ad, and it is encouraging to see her words of support:

“I think in spite of the protests this week from NOW, GloriaAllred, and ‘pro-choice’ organizations, this ad being aired is a matter of the First Amendments’ right of free speech.  I applaud Focus on the Family for creating the ad and bringing the story of Tim Tebow’s life to American viewers during the Super Bowl, and I applaud CBS for broadcasting it.  Here is the heart warming story of a young man whose mother-when faced with the option of abortion-chose ‘life’ and he is here to thank her, be a rising sports hero, and use that life to be a blessing to many! Unlike Tim Tebow–the more than 1 million babies that are aborted each year in the US have no voices-and no opportunity to tell us what they think of their mothers ultimate ‘choice’ for their lives.”

Thanks, Rebecca, for your on-going pro-life stance, and for your public support of this ad!

BTW, Rebecca St. James will be in New York next week—Tuesday, February 9th—to appear on “Hannity” on the Fox News Channel. She’ll no doubt be talking about her recent film, in which she plays the lead character, called, “Sarah’s Choice.” The film is a powerful exploration of the sanctity of life.

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