Thank You, Veterans

Posted on November 11, 2011 
Filed Under Focus on the Family Broadcast, Marriage, Parenting, Physical Health, Spiritual Life | Leave a Comment

Today as we honor those who have served in our military, a story, a few links and a suggestion.

First, some feedback from a listener:

“My husband is a soldier; he’s been deployed overseas to the combat zone and will hopefully be returning soon.  About a week ago I called Focus to ask some questions related to welcoming him home.  A chaplain from your staff called back, offered helpful suggestions and prayed for our family.  You also sent me some materials that offer information and encouragement.  I can’t tell you how much your kindness means to me.  I am very proud of my husband, and it has been wonderful to hear him describe how he has been witnessing to people while deployed.  We both know this was where God wanted him.  Thank you very much for all the help and prayer that you offer military families.  It is only by God’s grace and the prayers of His people that we are able to continue on with joy and thanksgiving.”

We LOVE hearing from someone we’ve helped. And if you donate to Focus on the Family, you played a part in reaching out to this family in a time of real need.

If you are military, or like me have friends who serve, you should know about some of the practical things we offer families. Let me start by pointing to Dr. Gary Rosberg and his wife Barb, who have a great outreach to military families. Here’s a radio conversation with them about common issues of communication, control and coming together for deployed families.

Related, here’s an article with firsthand insights about some of the challenges couples and parents face when returning home.

In this two-day series, Retired Maj. Gen. Doug Carver and retired Capt. Mike Langston discuss their experiences as military chaplains and their ministry to soldiers on the battlefield. They have some dramatic stories and huge hearts for the men and women they worked with as chaplains.

Here’s a radio program about the realities of life with PTSD, featuring an incredible story of survival and the on-going difficulties. We also offer trusted counseling advice to help with some of the basics for those returning from battle – and those awaiting them.

Alright, now for a suggestion (two, actually). Practically, one way to support our troops in the most important aspects of their service – their faith in God – we’ve got an easy and significant opportunity. Give a dramatized audio Bible to a soldier on the field…and offer them God’s Word. Details here. So far, your financial help has helped hundreds of these unique and powerful tools be ‘deployed.”

Finally, a reminder to take a minute to thank a veteran, and to thank God for the privileges we have in this country.

 

 

 

 

Taking A Look Ahead

Posted on November 9, 2011 
Filed Under Fathering, Focus on the Family Broadcast, Marriage, Parenting, Personal, Spiritual Life | 1 Comment

Looking ahead...what do you see?

It was loaded on my iPod, and while I had heard it dozens of times – often cranked up loud on my first “real” stereo system back in my college days – I’m not sure I ever really listened to the lyrics. That particular morning, though, as I walked along the road in the middle of Gunnison County, surrounded by beautiful mountains and enjoying some solitude, I listened and heard the meaning of the song. And on this lovely day I thought they were pretty profound.

Back in 1976 the band Boston released their debut album. It was a highly successful project. An ardent follower of the pop and rock music scene, I played this album a lot — probably a hundred times a year. One song, “Peace of Mind,” has been a staple for classic rock stations, and I’ve heard it often over the years.

I’m not sure why I never noticed the point of “Peace of Mind” prior to this particular morning walk. Despite my familiarity with the guitar riffs and even the chorus, for some reason I had never dialed into the meaning of the lyrics. As I enjoyed the sunshine and trees, though, the message came through clearly. And it grabbed me! I found myself completely agreeing with lead singer Brad Delp as he sang with conviction:

Now you’re climbin’ to the top of the company ladder

Hope it doesn’t take too long

Can’tcha see there’ll come a day when it won’t matter

Come a day when you’ll be gone

~

I understand about indecision

But I don’t care if I get behind

People livin’ in competition

All I want is to have my peace of mind.

Take a look ahead, take a look ahead. Look ahead.

Walking along that rural highway with my iPod cranked up, it suddenly seemed as though Solomon had packaged one of his proverbial sayings or a line from his ancient writings in Ecclesiastes to some good electric guitar and driving drums. There were timeless themes that are as relevant today as they were back in the 70s. Notions of success, competition, climbing the corporate ladder, striving to get ahead…that’s what Delp was singing about. And I realized there was – and is – an application for my life from this song.

Chasing after temporal values, wrestling with decisions about where we invest our time and energies, overlooking internal peace as we go for the gold…these are ultimately empty and meaningless pursuits.

When we look at what really matters, considering matters with a more eternal perspective, it becomes clear that a lot of what we value is temporal in nature. Unfortunately, as well, is that much of what we ignore or at least treat with less enthusiasm and respect is really quite important. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong in working hard and doing well, but misplaced priorities can sidetrack us from the really meaningful aspects of life.

So, I need to stop and take a look ahead. Look down the road and consider what I believe is important. Will it last?

Will my efforts last into eternity?

In some ways, the work I do at Focus will last. It has an eternal message, and many lives around the world have been touched by our radio efforts. This is a great job, and I am deeply grateful for it. However, as I told Dena last night, “I’m not irreplaceable.”

In the ten years I’ve been co-host of the Focus on the Family radio program, I’ve only missed being on a handful of broadcasts. But in my absence…”the show must go on” – and it does. Whether I am here or not, our team produces great programming, and if someone needs to handle my duties while I am away, they get that taken care of. I’m replaceable at work.

But, as I tell folks with some frequency, despite the joys and fulfillment I find here at Focus, my REAL job is right at home as a husband and father. In these roles I am irreplaceable. I’m the guy. There isn’t a substitute. The responsibility to love my wife and kids is solely mine. It isn’t something someone else can step in and do until I get back.

How about you? You work hard, and you might have a great job. But its temporal compared to the eternal investment you are called to make in your family.

Are you taking a look ahead? Taking a “long view” of things, and making sure your priorities are right? It’s not too late…

Inspiring Adoption Advocates

Posted on November 2, 2011 
Filed Under Focus on the Family Broadcast, Life, Orphan Care, Parenting, Social Concern, Spiritual Life | Leave a Comment

John and Kelly Rosati have adopted four children through foster care. They’ve traveled an incredible road, full of challenges and joys. They don’t sugarcoat the difficulties, nor do they despair. They are inspiring advocates for orphan care, and you can listen to their story right here.

 

Reflections

Posted on October 31, 2011 
Filed Under Personal, Photo, Spiritual Life | Leave a Comment

Beautiful view - and time to think - at 12,000 feet on top of Bowers Peak in Seguache County, Colorado.

Where’ve you been?

In the past month I’ve been to Delaware, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Maryland, Washington DC, and Dallas, Texas. I had a few days at home to recover and prep between several of those trips, although during one particularly busy season I was home for only 12 hours before heading again to the airport. I kept a suitcase at-the-ready for the past several weeks!

I’m grateful for God’s grace while gone so much: For safety and patience in traveling, for keeping me healthy despite all the airplanes and running, productive meetings and conversations, and that my wife and children somehow survived the grueling schedule and my absence.

In the midst of that hectic pace, I did have quiet moments for reflection and prayer. I thought about life, relationships, priorities. I prayed for my family, co-workers, friends and for myself, too. Most of that quieter time took place far, far away from airports and hotels.

Just a week ago Saturday my second son, Seth (that’s him in the picture) enjoyed some peace and refreshment in a spectacular setting. Along with some friends, we had gotten up at 4:30 or so to hike to the top of Bowers Peak, a mountain surrounded by tremendous expanses and scenery. As we watched three moose in a meadow below us, the sun came up and we sat quietly for almost an hour, not really speaking, just drinking in the glorious beauty of God’s creation. It was a special shared moment, one I won’t soon forget.

It is good to be still. I don’t stop long enough, usually, to listen to the sounds of the wind and wildlife. To absorb the sunshine and enjoy its warmth and brightness. To feel my fingers get a bit numb from the cold and to thank God for the way He designed our bodies – and for warm gloves. To be away from electronics and the distractions of calendars and email.

Somehow last week we slowed down enough to be be still and to know that He is God. And it was very, very good to do so.

As we leave autumn behind and head into the busy Thanksgiving and then Christmas seasons, I’m going to do everything I can to make sure I capture some of the same “down time” we experienced in the mountains. I think it makes me a better husband, father and man. In fact, I’ve already penciled in a few days of out-of-office time so I can keep the right perspective on life.

Let me encourage you to do likewise.

Finding Help

Posted on October 6, 2011 
Filed Under Focus on the Family Broadcast, Marriage, Parenting | Leave a Comment

Here’s an encouraging comment recently received, about the “accidental” manner in which one person discovered the Focus on the Family radio programs.

“Last year I had a new stereo put into my car.  During the installation someone programmed one of the keys to a Christian talk radio station.  I never chose that station, but I didn’t reprogram it either.  Then about five months ago, I decided to try listening.  I was thrilled to discover the Focus on the Family broadcast.  Now I tune in every day on my way to work.  I appreciate how you support me as a wife and mother.”

Maybe you can introduce someone to our broadcasts?

Sleepless Kids

Posted on October 5, 2011 
Filed Under Fathering, Parenting, Photo | 1 Comment

We had finally had enough. The “Little Man” was waking up often. Consistently. And it wasn’t pretty.

All dressed up and nowhere to go...

When he was three years old, Zane finally went up to Denver for an overnight sleep study. We had hit the wall, having his sleep – and ours – interrupted so frequently. Poor guy – he’d wake up at all hours and…play in his room. Or come into ours. Or cry out seemingly in great pain. The reasons were many, the explanations were not satisfactory.

We tried good bedtime routines. We had him on a sleep aid – such a young age for meds like that! Still, he woke up most nights.  It was easy to tell that the sleeplessness was catching up to him. Cranky. Irritable.

And the toll on us was pretty significant, too.

Have you been there with a child?  Sleepless kids can be a real challenge in many different ways. I was reminded about how common this problem is when I read an observation by one deprived parent, Emily Peck:

Look, I’m no sleep genius. I zombie-walked through much of the past week because my 3-year-old suddenly decided that 2 a.m. was a good time for some one-on-one with mom. Still, this week we’re back on track.

What’s worked: Consistently walking my son back to his room no matter how much he protests. It’s not a quick fix and my sleep definitely suffered. Moreover, I’m sure the problem’s not permanently solved. He’ll probably be waking me up in the middle of the night, well, forever. I imagine that when he’s older, I’ll sleep with one eye open, just waiting for him to come home at night.

I’m glad for Emily and her family that her son did find a good sleep routine. Sometimes a parent can help immensely with getting there. Other times, external help in the form of medications and even a sleep study are the route to go.

And so we scheduled the overnight appointment. We made the drive north, arrived early evening, and he got hooked to dozens of wires. Then we sat around while he tried to sleep in a new environment with the wires, hallway lights, and interruptions.

Insurance covered most of the cost of our little overnight science adventure. Good thing, too…because the final report was,

Zane is not getting enough R.E.M. sleep.

That was it? Well, sorry guys, but I KNEW that. Unfortunately, we were left with the same kind of options that we had been chasing prior to this expensive sleep study.

The good news is that Zane eventually did get into some good sleep patterns. Now eight, he usually is asleep by 8:30 or 9 every night, and doesn’t awaken most mornings until 6:45 or 7 a.m.

Now, however, I’m not sleeping like I need to, and I’m not really sure why.

I AM sure, though, that I’m not going to Denver anytime soon for a sleep study.

If you’ve had a sleepless child, what did you do about it?

 

He’s Pretty Busy

Posted on September 26, 2011 
Filed Under Fathering, Parenting, Personal | 1 Comment

Lately, Zane’s been struggling a bit with telling the truth. This is pretty typical for kids, of course. But this boy does make some rather unbelievable statements. Sometimes I just wonder what is going on in his little brain. He can come up with some real zingers!

Yesterday in church Gwen came up to share about an interesting conversation she had during Sunday School. In all seriousness, Zane told her,

” Justin Bieber is my brother.”

Now, Gwen knows our family, and she knows Zane. She was a bit puzzled by this statement, though. Before  she could reply, he continued:

“Yeah. He doesn’t come around much, because he’s pretty busy going around singing and stuff.”

Ah, of course.

I was wondering why I haven’t seen Justin around the house for some time…

Choose The Good Path

Posted on September 19, 2011 
Filed Under Fathering, Parenting, Personal, Spiritual Life | Leave a Comment

In Colorado, where our family makes its home, there are fifty-four “14ers” (mountains 14,000 feet or higher). Some outdoor enthusiasts make it a goal to climb all fifty-four. I recently heard about one man who was climbing Mount Princeton with his son.

As they neared the summit and the father scanned the trail, the boy shouted out from behind,

“Choose the good path, Dad; I’m coming right behind you!”

That little fellow was instinctively reminding his dad to live the words of Proverbs 22:6:

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (ESV).

Or consider the apostle Paul’s blunt admonition to the members of the church at Ephesus:

“Fathers,” he said, “do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4 ESV).

Isn’t that the whole point? You don’t want to be a good father just for the sake of being a good father. You want to be a good father because you want to teach your son how to be a good man!

As I’ve worked at being an intentional, engaged dad, one of the more effective tools I’ve used is a milestone event to mark the various passages of life.

When my boys hit age eleven or so, I took them off for a special weekend to get ready for the turbulence of the adolescent years. We enjoyed some great guy time, with outdoor adventures, good food and some special times of father-son instruction.

Dena and I commemorated their 14th birthdays with a adults-only special dinner. Spending the evening with a few select couples, enjoying some great steaks and conversation, I charged them to be men of God. It was a casual – and quite Christian – adaptation of a bar mitzvah.

At 18 we celebrated high school graduation and the official start to their adult lives. I read some Scriptures, we gave them some small gifts, and we all turned the corner to their journey on the road of life.

If you strive to be a good model for your kids, and if you want to really make their transition to adulthood meaningful – and memorable – there are some great resources. A new book, Rite of Passage, written by Jim McBride, caught my attention. Jim is the executive producer of the films released by Sherwood Pictures (he pastors at Sherwood Baptist Church). Their newest project, Courageous, is in theaters September 30.

Father to four children, Jim has lived out a powerful approach to setting his kids on a right path. A good path.

What I liked about Rite of Passage is the way it records Jim’s dedication to his daughters and son, and to his God. He planned and then held ceremonies to mark the maturing of his kids, and to help them know God’s intent for their lives, as they became adults. He worked hard, and succeeded in bringing together memories messages involving significant people in his children’s lives.

The book is easy to read, full of personal anecdotes and quotes. Jim includes practical suggestions, and even tackles some common challenges in setting out to mark your child’s road to adulthood.

I was really glad to read this book right now because in our family we’ll celebrate yet another 16th birthday in just a few months. Our fourth child, a beloved daughter, will hit “Sweet Sixteen,” and we want to make sure we celebrate richly. Even though in previous years we’ve marked the occasion for her three older siblings, or perhaps because we have done so, this girl needs something really special. Jim McBride has given me some great ideas to incorporate as we begin planning!

Dad, you love your kids. You long to model “the good path” for your kids. Get a dose of inspiration from out Courageous – and Rite of Passage.

And, if you’re a new father, grab the free download of chapter one from my book, First Time Dad, from the sidebar on the right. Maybe it’ll encourage you in these early days of parenting.

A Rich Twenty

Posted on September 13, 2011 
Filed Under Fathering, Focus on the Family, Parenting, Personal, Photo | Leave a Comment

A favorite memory from our final days in Tyler. My oldest child, age three at the time, walking with my niece.

In late July 1991, I was pondering a job change. I was happy with managing two Christian radio stations in Texas. Our circumstances were close to ideal. We lived two blocks from my wife’s sister and her family. One set of grandparents—we had one child at the time—lived only twenty minutes away. We belonged to a good church, had some wonderful friends, and loved our neighborhood.

To accept the new job would mean moving to Colorado and leaving all we had known as a young family. There’d be some tears if we took on the challenge of a new job in a new city and state.

That was a lot of upheaval to consider.

As a complicating factor, we were expecting at any time the birth of a second child.

Weighing the opportunity, we sought counsel from trusted friends. After considerable prayer and thought, we decided to go for it.

Within hours of making the decision, Dena went into labor. In fact, Seth was born just eight hours after I called to accept the offer to join the Focus on the Family broadcast team. Six weeks later, I was in Colorado starting the new job.

And today, September 13, marks my 20th anniversary with the organization. The time has flown!

I’m so grateful for the opportunity to work at Focus, and haven’t regretted the tumultuous move we made to be here in Colorado. I thank God for the many great things that I’ve experienced these past two decades!  Of course, I thank my wife Dena for faithfully supporting and praying for me through these years. I’ll also offer a public thank you to the many who have helped me grow and serve more effectively at Focus. I’ve served under some superb leaders!

Now, let me get a tissue to wipe my eyes…

NOTE: The above thoughts are adapted from the last chapter (“Blink!”) of my book, First Time Dad, The Stuff You Really Need To Know. Download the first chapter, and find additional material, from the links to the right side of this blog. It is available in paperback and e-reader formats, and I’ll have an audio book out soon, as well.

And, as I consider the past 20 years at Focus, five quick reflections:

  1. There have been lots of hellos and goodbyes. Staff, guests, friends in the business. Transitions are part of life, aren’t they?
  2. I’m surrounded by truly amazing people. My co-workers have heart, depth, commitment, passion, business savvy, wisdom, talent, and a love for Christ that are really inspiring!
  3. God has shown Focus on the Family incredible favor, with outstanding open doors, audiences, partnerships and impact. Literally thousands of lives are changed through Focus on the Family every year.
  4. My favorite times include our in-studio conversations with guests, and meeting friends (and partners) of the ministry. There are so many terrific people who have a desire to help families!
  5. The most gratifying aspect of my work over the years has been the opportunity to share the Good News with folks, knowing God is reaping an eternal harvest through us. I am humbled to know He sends our radio programming around the world, and that many broadcasts have helped individuals better understand His grace and mercy in Christ. Awesome!

Help For Blended Families

Posted on August 19, 2011 
Filed Under Focus on the Family, Focus on the Family Broadcast, Marriage, Parenting, Spiritual Life | Leave a Comment

Blended families present husbands, wives, moms, dads, and children – regardless of age – special opportunities and difficulties. A lot of angst, emotion…and special graces can be seen in the “mashing together” of individuals into a family.  At the Focus Marriage Forum, the most active conversation centers around blended families, kids and priorities.

Today’s Focus radio program addresses blended families. Our guests, Danny and Rayna Ortlie, speak openly about the joys – and challenges – of their rather unique situation. By the way, Danny’s book, Mommy Paints The Sky, is a tender account of his the marriage to and loss of his first wife, and how God graciously brought Rayna into his life.

Struggling with tough issues in your family? You’ll find a helpful list of trusted resources here. If you’d prefer to talk with someone, Focus on the Family Help Center counselors are here to listen and pray with you. You can arrange to speak with a licensed Christian counselor at no cost by calling 1-855-771-HELP (4357) Monday through Friday between 6:00 a.m. and 8:00 p.m. Mountain time. Last year this compassionate team helped 66,000 individuals – so be aware that you’ll probably need to leave your name and number for a counselor to return your call.

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